Monday, March 25, 2019
Some sweet ladies from the ward came over to help me clean my house again. That's really nice of them. It helps me out a lot.
Tuesday, March 26, 2019
I go in for genetic counseling today. I want to cover all my bases and know if we need to be concerned for the kids. The insurance won't cover my testing based on my family history, and since I don't have cancer. Interesting how insurance won't intervene until you're sick, in most cases. There is preventive care for a few things, just not this. I ask her about Scott's results since it's been three weeks exactly. She says she's expecting results back for him today and will call him as soon as she knows. Great, we'll wait to hear from her.
She calls Scott later that day. Of the 40+ genes tested for colon cancer, NONE of them came back positive for genetic mutations for colon cancer. His cancer is 100% environmental! He's excited about that because he feels like his body only needs to fight it just this one time and if he beats it he doesn't need to worry about it coming back due to a genetic mutation. We're both glad that our kids won't have to worry about something genetic too. They still need to get scoped when they're 35, but if they get it, it will be environmental, so we need to teach them to be conscious of that and always be mindful of their health and wellness. So what caused his cancer in the first place? We have no idea! It could be a billion things! Cancer doesn't suddenly just develop. It builds up over years. What has been his environment for the past 20 years? Uhhhh ... Me! I'm not blaming myself, but it's dang hard not to! My gut (haha, no pun intended) tells me it's because of the acid reflux medicine he's been taking for the past decade (at least)! I'm sure it's deprived his body of needed nutrients. That stuff just relieves the problem, but doesn't allow the body to cure itself from any damage caused by the acid. We need to figure out how he can deal with this without medication, once we get this cancer under control.
We tell the kids later and they are relieved that it is not genetic.
Thursday, March 28, 2019
Our 10-year-old son has a ballroom concert tonight. We go early to get a seat away from people and Scott wears his mask. I'm glad he's able to get out and participate with our family in this. Our son does an awesome job. We are so proud of him and all the hard work he has put in throughout the year. We can tell he loves to perform as we watch him. It's great that he has found something he really enjoys.
I go to the Young Women's activity later with my daughter. One of the presidency members invited me on Sunday because she said they needed more adults to help with the projects. I thought that was really nice of her and I thought it would be a good chance to say goodbye to the rest of the girls that weren't there on Sunday. I stay for a few minutes, but feel really out of place, because I don't know how to sew and that's what the projects include. I decide to go home and tell my daughter to get a ride home. I say goodbye to the girls and no one responds, except my daughter. Ok, I guess my time really IS done with them.😭
Saturday, March 30, 2019
I enjoyed a wonderful walk with my neighbor/friend who lost her husband to pancreatic cancer a little over a year ago. It was so great to talk to someone who totally understands EVERYTHING I'm going through. We walked, laughed and cried together. It was very therapeutic and cleansing (I hope for both of us.)
Monday, April 1, 2019
It's April Fools Day! What's a good April Fools joke? After all, we need a good laugh, right? Earlier last week, I acquired a for sale sign from a family member and decide to put it in my yard on Sunday night so people will see it in the morning. I thought it was a pretty good joke. I wonder who I can fool. I get a few texts from neighbors who are wondering what's going on. Some I string along and make them think we are indeed moving, and others I just tell right out it is a joke. I keep the sign up for a few more days to see if I can fool anyone else. No one thought it was funny, except me!🤣
I went in for a thermograph today. It's like a mammogram, yet without the smashing and radiation. It's supposed to be more accurate than a mammogram. Does insurance cover the cost? Of course not, even though it is a sort of preventive care. Whatever! I'm fine to pay out of pocket; we have an health savings account, so at least I can use my card for it. It's an interesting experience. Hopefully everything will turn out okay with this screening also. I have to wait about a week for results.
Tuesday, April 2, 2019
We met with an alternative health doctor today. I found out about him through my chiropractor, who is big into natural health. The office offers a free consultation, so I figure it's worth a shot.
Scott briefly recounts the last two months and the doctor offers some advice and counsel on how to move forward and what might help. Then he gives us an article he wrote about acid reflux and how medication does NOT help it! He tells us that that medication is not to be taken for more than 5 days! And the doctors just ignore that when they write out the prescriptions. 5 days, really? Not weeks, months, or years! Well, I guess my gut feeling was right. I really hope it's not too late to do something about this for Scott. The doctor wants to see Scott again and do some body testing for certain nutrients he may be lacking. We're curious to see what that shows since his gut is already so diseased. We set up a follow up appointment for the following week.
Wednesday, April 3, 2019 - Chemo Day #6
We get to the chemo office early today; we're the first ones there. They haven't even opened the doors yet and we wait outside with one the familiar nurses; she forgot her card. We brought our oldest son with us today. He is getting his wisdom teeth removed today, so he's tagging along until he and I go to his appointment. They do the usual blood draws and send them for testing to see how Scott's numbers are, to determine if he is well enough for treatment today. While Scott is getting his blood drawn, the nurse asks him what treatment this is for him and he says it's number 6. She tells him that he is at the halfway point of completing his treatment. Colon cancer has a 12 treatment cycle; other cancers is six. Yay! That's good news. We didn't know there was an end date. We just thought he would have treatments until he decided to be done, and have a scan every three months. We go back to the doctor's office and wait .... kind of a long time. A half hour after his actual appointment time, the doctor's assistant comes into the room; the doctor is out of town. He is wearing a mask because he has a scratchy throat this morning and doesn't want to spread anything. He pulls up Scott's chart and we begin talking about his treatment. I already like this doctor more. He is much more personable and pleasant. He takes time to answer our questions to the best of his ability. He sets up a time for Scott's next scan - a week from today. He says the results will come later that day and he will call Scott with those results. He'll just go over the preliminary results with him; tell him what, if anything has shrunk, and we'll go over the scan in more detail with the doctor the next time he has chemo, in two weeks. We are hopeful that things have shrunk, at least in the lungs (he hasn't coughed in over a month). The blood test results came back and Scott is good to go for chemo today. His numbers are good and the best news of all - his tumor marker number has gone down drastically! The tumor marker measures how "alive" the tumor is. When Scott first started treatment, the number was 4000! Today it is 300! It has gone down dramatically every time, but never this far. We are pumped! Our oldest son is in the room with us and he smiles and exclaims with glee; something he doesn't do much. We are so grateful and hopeful for some improvements in the next scan. I text my family the good news after we're done with the doctor. Scott begins his chemo and after a while I take our son to the store to get some soft foods in preparation for his oral surgery recovery. He hasn't eaten all day and it is almost lunch time, so he is having a hard time being in the grocery store and hungry.😖
We go to his wisdom teeth appointment, hoping to finish about the same time as Scott. After our son gets checked in, they take him back to the room and the doctor visits with him briefly. He asks him what he's going to do all weekend as he recovers, and his matter of fact response, "Pudding and anime!" 😂 The doctor laughs and says that's a great saying and he's going to tattoo that across his chest. They get him set up and he is out after about 30 seconds. I go in the waiting room and eagerly anticipate the coming out of anesthesia, recovery, blackmail, video. Boy, did that ever happen? Oh my goodness, he sure made a fool of himself.😂 We finish at the same time as Scott, woohoo! and go pick him up and head home.
Tuesday, April 9, 2019
So those are the latest updates. The next scan is tomorrow. Please pray and keep your fingers crossed for good results. Thanks for reading my ramblings. Love to all.
Tuesday, April 9, 2019
Sunday, April 7, 2019
An Emotional Weekend
Chapter 15 - Broken-Hearted
The day after Scott's 5th chemo treatment, I found out I was going to be released from my church calling of Young Women's President. What???!!! I didn't see that one coming! In our church, each faithful member has an unpaid service calling that they are asked to perform by the bishop (leader) of the local congregation (ward.) These callings rotate throughout one's life so not every person has the same calling their whole life. We believe we are all called by God Himself and He qualifies us for the calling. It is such a great opportunity to learn and grow and serve others. We don't ask for these callings, but are asked to put in our best effort and to rely on the Lord to help us fulfill our duty to the best of our ability. I have tried to do that in every one of my callings. Throughout my life, some of my callings have included teaching in the Relief Society (women's organization), helping with the Cub Scouts, organizing the young women's week long camping trip, helping in the Primary (children's organization) and my latest calling of Young Women's President, which by far has been my favorite! :) A president has two counselors and a secretary; all together they form a presidency. They work together to help the church program run smoothly (that's the idea at least.) Their combined efforts,while relying on the Lord's help, aid in this process. Usually, a presidency will serve for a period of about 2-3 years. Our presidency was called in August of 2017. That's only 19 months! Needless to say, I was baffled when I got the news. I thought I'd have at least another year. And I love my calling! I love the girls. They are my therapy. They keep me grounded. I asked my bishop if my release had anything to do with Scott's health and he reassured me it did not. He encouraged me to pray for comfort. Uh yah, I'm going to need to do a lot of that. I came home from my meeting with him and called my sister for some reassurance. She always knows exactly what to say. I feel better after talking to her, but I still didn't get much sleep that night and woke up cranky. I texted the rest of my presidency to let them know they will be released too. They are all surprised as well and we are sad to not be working with each other anymore. We have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know each other and working together to serve these fantastic girls! I have a meltdown that morning to Scott and feel guilty because he's the sick one and shouldn't have to be comforting me. I went to work that morning not in the greatest mood. I only work eight hours a week, two 4 hour shifts. That morning, I saw four women I know there. That's one per hour. Usually, I only see one or two a week. It was comforting to me to see them. One of the women waved to me with her hand in an ASL "I Love You" sign. 🤟 I thought that was kind of cool. As she's leaving she gives me a big hug and mentions how much she loves my blog. "I've read every word. Thank you for writing it." She mentioned how she was having a particularly hard day and she read my latest post and thought, Ok, I can do hard things. This is why I write this! It warms my heart to know that it is helpful to others, even if in just a small way. Thank you for comforting me in this small way, Heavenly Father. I need all the help I can get for Sunday.
Sunday comes and I am dreading church. It's already hard for me to go because Scott is not with me.
The name of the new young Women's president is announced and I am so relieved and excited. It's one of the ladies from our former presidency. The girls are in good hands. She knows what she's doing and will do an amazing job. And she already knows and loves the girls and they love her! I keep it together until I have to get up to leave to get ready for my lesson, the last lesson I will have with the girls. I haven't taught a lesson for a long time and I'm looking forward to this one. People stop me in the hall to give me hugs and then I lose it. This is why I left early, so this wouldn't happen. I guess it's inevitable. By the time I get to the room for the lesson, I'm okay though. We enjoy a good lesson, we take some pictures and I don't cry once. That's a miracle in and of itself. I give all the girls hugs before I leave. One of the girls tells me she's so sad, as she's smiling. "Oh yah, why are you smiling then?" I joke with her. She's just a happy girl and it's normal for her to smile a lot. I tell her I love and will miss her and she says the same. After church, another girl drops off a card. She stayed home sick that day but as soon as she heard the news she wrote me a sweet note and dropped it off at my house. She even sprayed it with Lysol so she wouldn't spread her germs to Scott. So sweet! I will miss these girls so much and am so blessed to have had the opportunity to work with them. They have touched my life for good and I will be eternally grateful. I hope I touched their lives for good too.
The next day, I read something in a book that really helped me feel better. Another tender mercy.
My life has taught me that nothing in this world stays the same. Nothing. Not me. Not even you. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can figure out how to live your life. Maybe even enjoy it.
Two things I know about change. First, sometimes it seems like we're just bobbing up and down in the ocean trying to keep our heads above water, when really we are being moved along by unseen currents, imperceptibly being dragged to some distant shore.
Second, it pretty much always hurts. (That's the part that I really related to. That's so true.)
I keep reminding myself of this, because while the world we live in is changing, so are our hearts and minds. Things that are important now won't be important later. And things that aren't important now will be super-important later. It's true for everyone. You start out thinking you're going to be some kind of person and that life is laid out and predictable as a video game. Then you realize that the rules have changed. There are characters in your game you didn't plan on. There are things you have to do that you never wanted to do. And sometimes the purpose of the game seems to change. I suppose it's like that for everyone. Everyone must come to the realization that the life they have and the life they thought they'd have aren't ever the same thing. And then the question is, what are they going to do about it? (Michael Vey #6: Fall of Hades, Richard Paul Evans, 2016)
Even though I don't understand why I got released and didn't want it, it's part of a grander plan and I know I will treasure the memories created and the time spent with the fabulous young women! They will always be "my girls" and hold a special place in my heart. ❤
The day after Scott's 5th chemo treatment, I found out I was going to be released from my church calling of Young Women's President. What???!!! I didn't see that one coming! In our church, each faithful member has an unpaid service calling that they are asked to perform by the bishop (leader) of the local congregation (ward.) These callings rotate throughout one's life so not every person has the same calling their whole life. We believe we are all called by God Himself and He qualifies us for the calling. It is such a great opportunity to learn and grow and serve others. We don't ask for these callings, but are asked to put in our best effort and to rely on the Lord to help us fulfill our duty to the best of our ability. I have tried to do that in every one of my callings. Throughout my life, some of my callings have included teaching in the Relief Society (women's organization), helping with the Cub Scouts, organizing the young women's week long camping trip, helping in the Primary (children's organization) and my latest calling of Young Women's President, which by far has been my favorite! :) A president has two counselors and a secretary; all together they form a presidency. They work together to help the church program run smoothly (that's the idea at least.) Their combined efforts,while relying on the Lord's help, aid in this process. Usually, a presidency will serve for a period of about 2-3 years. Our presidency was called in August of 2017. That's only 19 months! Needless to say, I was baffled when I got the news. I thought I'd have at least another year. And I love my calling! I love the girls. They are my therapy. They keep me grounded. I asked my bishop if my release had anything to do with Scott's health and he reassured me it did not. He encouraged me to pray for comfort. Uh yah, I'm going to need to do a lot of that. I came home from my meeting with him and called my sister for some reassurance. She always knows exactly what to say. I feel better after talking to her, but I still didn't get much sleep that night and woke up cranky. I texted the rest of my presidency to let them know they will be released too. They are all surprised as well and we are sad to not be working with each other anymore. We have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know each other and working together to serve these fantastic girls! I have a meltdown that morning to Scott and feel guilty because he's the sick one and shouldn't have to be comforting me. I went to work that morning not in the greatest mood. I only work eight hours a week, two 4 hour shifts. That morning, I saw four women I know there. That's one per hour. Usually, I only see one or two a week. It was comforting to me to see them. One of the women waved to me with her hand in an ASL "I Love You" sign. 🤟 I thought that was kind of cool. As she's leaving she gives me a big hug and mentions how much she loves my blog. "I've read every word. Thank you for writing it." She mentioned how she was having a particularly hard day and she read my latest post and thought, Ok, I can do hard things. This is why I write this! It warms my heart to know that it is helpful to others, even if in just a small way. Thank you for comforting me in this small way, Heavenly Father. I need all the help I can get for Sunday.
Sunday comes and I am dreading church. It's already hard for me to go because Scott is not with me.
The name of the new young Women's president is announced and I am so relieved and excited. It's one of the ladies from our former presidency. The girls are in good hands. She knows what she's doing and will do an amazing job. And she already knows and loves the girls and they love her! I keep it together until I have to get up to leave to get ready for my lesson, the last lesson I will have with the girls. I haven't taught a lesson for a long time and I'm looking forward to this one. People stop me in the hall to give me hugs and then I lose it. This is why I left early, so this wouldn't happen. I guess it's inevitable. By the time I get to the room for the lesson, I'm okay though. We enjoy a good lesson, we take some pictures and I don't cry once. That's a miracle in and of itself. I give all the girls hugs before I leave. One of the girls tells me she's so sad, as she's smiling. "Oh yah, why are you smiling then?" I joke with her. She's just a happy girl and it's normal for her to smile a lot. I tell her I love and will miss her and she says the same. After church, another girl drops off a card. She stayed home sick that day but as soon as she heard the news she wrote me a sweet note and dropped it off at my house. She even sprayed it with Lysol so she wouldn't spread her germs to Scott. So sweet! I will miss these girls so much and am so blessed to have had the opportunity to work with them. They have touched my life for good and I will be eternally grateful. I hope I touched their lives for good too.
The next day, I read something in a book that really helped me feel better. Another tender mercy.
My life has taught me that nothing in this world stays the same. Nothing. Not me. Not even you. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can figure out how to live your life. Maybe even enjoy it.
Two things I know about change. First, sometimes it seems like we're just bobbing up and down in the ocean trying to keep our heads above water, when really we are being moved along by unseen currents, imperceptibly being dragged to some distant shore.
Second, it pretty much always hurts. (That's the part that I really related to. That's so true.)
I keep reminding myself of this, because while the world we live in is changing, so are our hearts and minds. Things that are important now won't be important later. And things that aren't important now will be super-important later. It's true for everyone. You start out thinking you're going to be some kind of person and that life is laid out and predictable as a video game. Then you realize that the rules have changed. There are characters in your game you didn't plan on. There are things you have to do that you never wanted to do. And sometimes the purpose of the game seems to change. I suppose it's like that for everyone. Everyone must come to the realization that the life they have and the life they thought they'd have aren't ever the same thing. And then the question is, what are they going to do about it? (Michael Vey #6: Fall of Hades, Richard Paul Evans, 2016)
Even though I don't understand why I got released and didn't want it, it's part of a grander plan and I know I will treasure the memories created and the time spent with the fabulous young women! They will always be "my girls" and hold a special place in my heart. ❤
Questions and Answers
Throughout this process, there have been so many questions posed by well-meaning people. This post is an attempt to answer the most asked questions.
Q: How are you doing?
A: It's nice to see you or I don't know. (Or sometimes I lie and say good, although sometimes that is the truth. I wonder what reaction I'd get from people if I told them how I was really doing when they asked. I'll only do that with my close friends and family.) 😂
Q: How is Scott?
A: Have you read my blog? (I think I'm going to make business cards with the address on it to give out when I'm asked that) 😆 or I know he'd love to let you know himself. Give him a call.
Q: How are the kids doing?
A: Remarkably well. They are awesome kids!
Q: Is Scott still working?
A: Yes! He has a lot of work he can do from home, he can even look at paperwork and do stuff on his computer during chemo. He has a lot of sick time and comp time accumulated, that he can use when he needs it. He hasn't been super sick, and if his energy levels are low, he can just work from home. I don't feel like I need to go to work full time right now. The only reason I would do that is for benefits. Should he have to leave the company and go on long term disability, we'd have COBRA insurance, which is expensive!
Q: How often does he do chemo and how many treatments does he need?
A: He does chemo every two weeks and each drug is administered one by one over the course of about four hours. The last drug he is given slowly goes into his bloodstream over 46 hours, so he is sent home with a pump and two days later he goes in to have the pump removed from his port. Each "round" of chemo lasts 12 treatments. Most rounds only last 6, but colon cancer is 12 treatments. He's had six, so he's halfway through his first treatment. After 6 treatments, another scan is done to see if anything has shrunk. After the first round (12 treatments) and another scan, we will re-evaluate to see if he can, or wants to, continue treatment or not. The doctors don't have an end date, but we are optimistic that after this first round, things will have shrunk enough that he can have surgery to remove the tumor in his liver and colon.
Q: What can we do for you and your family? Let us know if you need anything.
A: Prayers help the most right now. Please keep praying for us. If you don't pray, now is a good time to start. :)
Q: How are you doing?
A: It's nice to see you or I don't know. (Or sometimes I lie and say good, although sometimes that is the truth. I wonder what reaction I'd get from people if I told them how I was really doing when they asked. I'll only do that with my close friends and family.) 😂
Q: How is Scott?
A: Have you read my blog? (I think I'm going to make business cards with the address on it to give out when I'm asked that) 😆 or I know he'd love to let you know himself. Give him a call.
Q: How are the kids doing?
A: Remarkably well. They are awesome kids!
Q: Is Scott still working?
A: Yes! He has a lot of work he can do from home, he can even look at paperwork and do stuff on his computer during chemo. He has a lot of sick time and comp time accumulated, that he can use when he needs it. He hasn't been super sick, and if his energy levels are low, he can just work from home. I don't feel like I need to go to work full time right now. The only reason I would do that is for benefits. Should he have to leave the company and go on long term disability, we'd have COBRA insurance, which is expensive!
Q: How often does he do chemo and how many treatments does he need?
A: He does chemo every two weeks and each drug is administered one by one over the course of about four hours. The last drug he is given slowly goes into his bloodstream over 46 hours, so he is sent home with a pump and two days later he goes in to have the pump removed from his port. Each "round" of chemo lasts 12 treatments. Most rounds only last 6, but colon cancer is 12 treatments. He's had six, so he's halfway through his first treatment. After 6 treatments, another scan is done to see if anything has shrunk. After the first round (12 treatments) and another scan, we will re-evaluate to see if he can, or wants to, continue treatment or not. The doctors don't have an end date, but we are optimistic that after this first round, things will have shrunk enough that he can have surgery to remove the tumor in his liver and colon.
Q: What can we do for you and your family? Let us know if you need anything.
A: Prayers help the most right now. Please keep praying for us. If you don't pray, now is a good time to start. :)
Wednesday, April 3, 2019
Chemo #5
Chapter 15 - The Perfect End to a Long Day
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
Chemo #5. We know the routine by now. Scott has the same nurse. He is a cool dude from the south. He lightens the mood of chemo. It's just a dreary place. Seeing sick people just wears on you. I try to be happy, but I'm not. It's just our routine now; chemo every two weeks for who knows how long. The chemo is going slower than normal so we will be here longer than we originally planned. It's finally spring though, and the weather is actually pleasant. I wonder what it would be like if the chemo chairs could be set up outside on a nice day like this. 😆 Scott passes the time by doing some work on his computer (hey, he's paid while he does chemo, that's a nice benefit). I listen to music, do some texting, make some phone calls and try to do some stuff on my computer but the set up isn't very comfy for the visitor, so I decide to can that idea and just chill with my headphones. My mom texts me when there's about an hour left of chemo. She wants to take me to lunch. Woohoo! I won't argue with her on that one. :) Scott says he'll just meet me at home. I enjoy a lovely lunch at Dairy Queen with my mother. They're giving out free ice cream cones for the first day of spring. 😁
Later that day, we have another doctor's appointment, with a naturopath doctor. He uses a natural approach to work in conjunction with the chemo. Scott and I are looking forward to this visit. We want to find out his feeling about the things we have been doing to improve Scott's overall health. Wee feel like they are helping also, but getting a medical professional's opinion is always helpful. They're a little behind when we get there, so we have to wait, but it's ok. We read some of the educational material provided by the office. We get called back into the office and begin visiting with the doctor. There is already a different feeling to him. He is a doctor who really cares about his patients; I can tell. He shares his personal experience with cancer in his own family. His daughter developed brain cancer at the age of 9. Now, ten years later, she has had two brain surgeries and is getting ready to graduate from college! Their family has done so many natural things over the years to help control the tumor growth. He shares these insights with us. I love that he shares his personal experiences to teach us, as well as his medical knowledge. He reviews Scott's medical info; I've made a binder to keep it all together. He's very impressed. He keeps reassuring us that there are so many things we can do to help Scott live a healthy, long, life, which is what we need to hear. He tells us there is no cure for cancer, but it is manageable by using this well-rounded approach. There's more to cancer treatment than chemo. He gives us a bunch of information that he says he will email us a summary of later. The basic jist of what he shares is that what will help Scott improve his overall heath is a well-balanced diet of whole grains, fruits and vegetables and healthy protein. He also says that cancer feeds on suger, so eliminate it as much as possible, if not all together. Balancing out the nutrients that Scott's body is lacking will be instrumental in controlling tumor growth. He can take natural supplements to put those nutrients back in, as well as get it through certain foods. He suggests Vitamin B-12 injections to boost his energy levels and Vitamin C infusions to boost his immune system. He also gives suggestions on how to heal his colon. He gives suggestions on how to reduce and eliminate his acid reflux; he thinks that his acid reflux medication has caused his body to not absorb certain nutrients, which may have contributed to his cancer in the first place. He offers suggestions on other ways to reduce toxins in his environment. He is impressed with what we have tried so far and tells us to keep up the good work, and to keep doing what we're doing. He wants to follow up with us again after Scott's next scan. We are in his office for two hours! What doctor takes two hours with his patients?! This one. He is an amazing doctor and we leave feeling very empowered that we can move forward with confidence and a positive outlook for the future. We rush home so I can go to dinner with a girlfriend. We have had this planned for over a month; we've already had to reschedule a few times because of my crazy schedule, but she has been very patient with me. I am excited to spend some quality time with her and share all my news with her. She is someone I look up to greatly and she has been through a lot of hard things in her life recently. She is a wonderful example to me of strength during hard times.
My friend arrives a few minutes after we get home. I'm excited for our dinner. As we drive there, I tell her some of the things we learned from this doctor's visit. My mind is still reeling trying to process it all. She patiently listens to my ramblings. We pull into the parking lot of a local healthy pizza place. I have never eaten there before and am excited to try something. I'm not super hungry; I'm still excited form our doctor's visit and decide I'll probably just have a healthy salad. We walk in and I turn to face the menu on the wall. She faces me and I hear a whistle (like a WooWoo whistle) from behind us. I ignore it but tell my friend someone's whistling at her (she's single and gorgeous and I'm not surprised if someone is whistling at her; just a little surprised they're doing it in a restaurant). She tells me to turn around cause they're whistling at me, so I grudgingly turn around and see about ten other ladies from my neighborhood at a table behind us, and some are in line waiting for their orders. "Surprise," they exclaim, with huge smiles on their faces and some come up to give me hugs. What? I couldn't believe it. My friend had orchestrated this whole thing! I had no idea. And we even had to reschedule! I didn't cry, but that was definitely a cry-worthy moment! 😭
After we ordered the food, we sat down to enjoy a wonderful visit with each other. As we began visiting, I told everyone that this was definitely going on my blog, and that we definitely needed pictures.
We took a picture and just before I finished my dinner, everyone started pulling out little boxes and bags; gifts for me. Wow! There was more?! The surprise dinner was enough. I wasn't expecting anything else. My friend who arranged the dinner said to open hers first and then I could start opening the rest. I opened the first little box. Inside was a beautiful silver bracelet. Then I started opening the others; each person had got me a charm to put on the bracelet. As I opened each one, the person who gave me that one would tell me which one was theirs. I felt like a little girl opening presents at her birthday party and enjoying the excitement form each friend as they presented their gift. I even received charms from people who couldn't attend. Some had cards with sweet notes attached, some didn't. It was so sweet to see the effort that was put in by each person to pick out just the right charm. They were all different, they planned it that way, but I think even if they hadn't, they all still would have been different. We are all different people who contribute to life in our own special way. I can't even describe the feeling of love I felt that night with those incredible ladies! I felt like I was sitting at the popular table in the school cafeteria. What is so special about little old me that these people would take time out of their busy schedules to include me in their plans? This was a perfect ending to a very long day. We stayed and visited until about 10:00 PM. I think the restaurant was long since closed, but the sweet employee didn't say anything to us that it was time to go. As we drove home that night, I couldn't stop thanking my friend for arranging this. She said she was glad to do it. She said it's important to have a support group around you when you're going through hard times and she wanted me to know that they were here for me. That meant a lot to me coming from her because she has been through a lot in her life in the last few years and has needed a lot of extra support from others also. When she dropped me off, I thanked her profusely yet again, and gave her a big hug. I walked into the house on cloud nine! I still couldn't believe it! How did she know that's exactly what I needed? In our church, we believe in ministering unto each other just as our Savior, Jesus Christ, ministered to those in his time. He saw a need and filled it and ministered unto people in just the way that they needed. He continues to minister to us today, through others, acting as his angels on the earth to minister to those in need. Tonight, my sweet friend truly was my ministering angel and served me in exactly the way that I needed. Now every time I wear that bracelet, I can think of all of my sweet friends and their love for me. 😊💖
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
Chemo #5. We know the routine by now. Scott has the same nurse. He is a cool dude from the south. He lightens the mood of chemo. It's just a dreary place. Seeing sick people just wears on you. I try to be happy, but I'm not. It's just our routine now; chemo every two weeks for who knows how long. The chemo is going slower than normal so we will be here longer than we originally planned. It's finally spring though, and the weather is actually pleasant. I wonder what it would be like if the chemo chairs could be set up outside on a nice day like this. 😆 Scott passes the time by doing some work on his computer (hey, he's paid while he does chemo, that's a nice benefit). I listen to music, do some texting, make some phone calls and try to do some stuff on my computer but the set up isn't very comfy for the visitor, so I decide to can that idea and just chill with my headphones. My mom texts me when there's about an hour left of chemo. She wants to take me to lunch. Woohoo! I won't argue with her on that one. :) Scott says he'll just meet me at home. I enjoy a lovely lunch at Dairy Queen with my mother. They're giving out free ice cream cones for the first day of spring. 😁
Later that day, we have another doctor's appointment, with a naturopath doctor. He uses a natural approach to work in conjunction with the chemo. Scott and I are looking forward to this visit. We want to find out his feeling about the things we have been doing to improve Scott's overall health. Wee feel like they are helping also, but getting a medical professional's opinion is always helpful. They're a little behind when we get there, so we have to wait, but it's ok. We read some of the educational material provided by the office. We get called back into the office and begin visiting with the doctor. There is already a different feeling to him. He is a doctor who really cares about his patients; I can tell. He shares his personal experience with cancer in his own family. His daughter developed brain cancer at the age of 9. Now, ten years later, she has had two brain surgeries and is getting ready to graduate from college! Their family has done so many natural things over the years to help control the tumor growth. He shares these insights with us. I love that he shares his personal experiences to teach us, as well as his medical knowledge. He reviews Scott's medical info; I've made a binder to keep it all together. He's very impressed. He keeps reassuring us that there are so many things we can do to help Scott live a healthy, long, life, which is what we need to hear. He tells us there is no cure for cancer, but it is manageable by using this well-rounded approach. There's more to cancer treatment than chemo. He gives us a bunch of information that he says he will email us a summary of later. The basic jist of what he shares is that what will help Scott improve his overall heath is a well-balanced diet of whole grains, fruits and vegetables and healthy protein. He also says that cancer feeds on suger, so eliminate it as much as possible, if not all together. Balancing out the nutrients that Scott's body is lacking will be instrumental in controlling tumor growth. He can take natural supplements to put those nutrients back in, as well as get it through certain foods. He suggests Vitamin B-12 injections to boost his energy levels and Vitamin C infusions to boost his immune system. He also gives suggestions on how to heal his colon. He gives suggestions on how to reduce and eliminate his acid reflux; he thinks that his acid reflux medication has caused his body to not absorb certain nutrients, which may have contributed to his cancer in the first place. He offers suggestions on other ways to reduce toxins in his environment. He is impressed with what we have tried so far and tells us to keep up the good work, and to keep doing what we're doing. He wants to follow up with us again after Scott's next scan. We are in his office for two hours! What doctor takes two hours with his patients?! This one. He is an amazing doctor and we leave feeling very empowered that we can move forward with confidence and a positive outlook for the future. We rush home so I can go to dinner with a girlfriend. We have had this planned for over a month; we've already had to reschedule a few times because of my crazy schedule, but she has been very patient with me. I am excited to spend some quality time with her and share all my news with her. She is someone I look up to greatly and she has been through a lot of hard things in her life recently. She is a wonderful example to me of strength during hard times.
My friend arrives a few minutes after we get home. I'm excited for our dinner. As we drive there, I tell her some of the things we learned from this doctor's visit. My mind is still reeling trying to process it all. She patiently listens to my ramblings. We pull into the parking lot of a local healthy pizza place. I have never eaten there before and am excited to try something. I'm not super hungry; I'm still excited form our doctor's visit and decide I'll probably just have a healthy salad. We walk in and I turn to face the menu on the wall. She faces me and I hear a whistle (like a WooWoo whistle) from behind us. I ignore it but tell my friend someone's whistling at her (she's single and gorgeous and I'm not surprised if someone is whistling at her; just a little surprised they're doing it in a restaurant). She tells me to turn around cause they're whistling at me, so I grudgingly turn around and see about ten other ladies from my neighborhood at a table behind us, and some are in line waiting for their orders. "Surprise," they exclaim, with huge smiles on their faces and some come up to give me hugs. What? I couldn't believe it. My friend had orchestrated this whole thing! I had no idea. And we even had to reschedule! I didn't cry, but that was definitely a cry-worthy moment! 😭
After we ordered the food, we sat down to enjoy a wonderful visit with each other. As we began visiting, I told everyone that this was definitely going on my blog, and that we definitely needed pictures.
 |
| Here we all are! 😊 |
Sunday, March 31, 2019
Updates and Events
Chapter 14 - Taking Care of the Little Things ... And Some Big Things Too
Ok, I've waited way too long to post all of this, so I hope my memory holds out. Here are the latest updates:
Monday, March 11, 2019 - My colonoscopy day
My colonoscopy is scheduled for 7:00 AM. It's been two months since our long visit to the ER. Coincidence? No. I need someone to stay there the whole time, up to four hours, since I'll be sedated, and that person will need to drive me home after. I tell Scott that our 18-year-old son is taking me. He can miss a day of school. Besides, Scott's immune system is compromised and hospitals aren't as clean as they claim to be, and I'm getting my procedure done in the same building where his was done. Different doctor though; if I had the same one that would be awkward. I don't want him to get PTSD going back there.
"I didn't even think of any of that," he says, "but that makes sense."
"I did, and you're welcome," I laughingly reply.
I'm nervous for the day. What if they find something in me? I can't handle another bad diagnosis. The medical staff is all very nice. They wheel me back, get me prepped. The nurse has the same name as our eldest son, who is there with me. It didn't even hurt when he poked me for the IV. I compliment him on his skills. "Thank you, I have been doing this a while." :) The doctor comes back to meet me and we talk for a while. The question I'm anticipating of course comes up, of why are you having this procedure done at your age? "You're rather young to have this procedure. Most 29-year-olds don't have one of these done." Awww, what a sweet doctor. I explain to him why and he says "Oh I'm so sorry," so many times that I tell him he needs to stop or he'll make me cry. He is a very kind man and offers so much reassurance.
After a few more minutes of waiting, they wheel me back to the anesthetic room and explain everything again. I was just here two months ago, but patiently listen again, cause this time I'm the patient, not the supportive spouse. The next thing I remember I'm awake in my old hospital room and my son is there. The nurse comes in and asks how I'm doing. Just as I'm about to ask him if that was the stuff Michael Jackson had, he tells me that it was. "I can see why he liked it so much! I was totally out! That's the best sleep I've had in months, and it was only 20 minutes."
The doctor comes in and shows me pictures of my wonderfully healthy, disease-free colon! Not even one polyp! I won't need another colonoscopy for ten years! Wahoo! One less stress to deal with. My son and I leave in good spirits and go out to breakfast at Denny's. We order way too much food and bring leftovers home.
Tuesday, March 12, 2019
I go to my first counseling appointment. I cry almost the whole time, but it feels good to get it all out. I'm glad I decided to start this. I've been needing and wanting to for years. A neutral sounding board and advice-giver is always nice to help you feel more normal. :)
That night I have dinner with a friend who I haven't seen for a while. She's a single mom and it's fun to catch up and share life's joys and sorrows together. We'll have to do it again sometime.
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
That morning the weather was terrible! A blizzard in the middle of March! Really? Only one more week until spring! You couldn't tell that day! I have to go meet with my junior high age son's counselor. It's time to register for 9th grade! Ahhh, high school?! I don't want to go because the roads are so bad, but I don't want to reschedule either. It's fun spending time with him as he chooses some classes that he's interested in. We'll wait to see which ones he gets. I still can't convince him to take ballroom. He's my only kid who wants nothing to do with it. 😆 It's all right. He picked some fun classes, mostly computer ones, and PE, since that's what he's into.
I cancel a date with my mom and a friend because of the weather. My friend calls me at the time we had scheduled to get together and we have a really nice, long talk. I promise to come for a visit when the weather is nicer; hopefully spring will decide to come when it's supposed to this year.
My daughter has her first counseling appointment later that day. She has a fun time getting to know her counselor and is glad to have someone else to talk to. Since I have some time before I go get my boys from school, I go to the office across the street. I've been waiting to hear back from them about a certain counselor for my boys. They have been on a waiting list to see him and when I called the week prior, the receptionist told me that they were next on the list and I should hear from them soon. I figure it would be better if I talk to them in person since I'm there. It's always better to talk face to face than over the phone. I go in and explain our situation to another receptionist (the one I originally talked to wasn't there that day) and tell her my boy's names. She pulls up the info on the counselor and finds out that he has two back to back appointments the following week. "I think I'm gonna cry," she says. "I've worked here for two years, I have never seen that happen! Back to back appointments, for the same family! That's a miracle!" Another tender mercy, I think. I tell her I'm so glad someone up above is looking out for us. :) She then shares that her first husband died of a brain tumor when he was just 33 and she was left with three little kids. She reassures me that I will be OK. Another angel from heaven! I ask if I can give her a hug before I leave, and of course she accepts. I never would have met this woman if it hadn't been for our situation. Thank you, Heavenly Father. He really does know us. :)
Scott starts ozone therapy today. He gets to sit in a big machine and have it pump ozone into his body. It's supposed to help his body release toxins. We met the owner last week on our way to Scott's chemo treatment. We had a good visit with him and are very grateful to the people who introduced us to him.
That night, I went to a church activity with other sisters in my ward. Every so often, the women's organization of the church, called the Relief Society, has an mid-week activity. It's a good opportunity to come together and feel of the sisterhood that we share as a part of this organization. I honestly didn't want to go. I didn't feel like I had a lot in common with these women and I enjoy my comfort zone of being with the young women. And I had so many other things happening in the evening that week, that it was just one more thing. I convinced myself that I would stay home and enjoy time with my family. After hearing a talk from one of these incredible sisters last Sunday in church, I changed my mind. I needed to be there to feel of their love and friendship. It knew it would really help me. I'm so glad that I went. I got to know some sisters better and meet new ones. I felt an incredible amount of love and like I truly belonged. It was so needed.
Thursday, March 14, 2019
It's my baby's birthday today. He turned 8 years old. How does the time go so fast?
He sure enjoyed his LEGOs.
He keeps asking me to take him to the store to "get his Bible." 😆 In our family we have a tradition that when our children turn eight, we get them a full set of scriptures, in preparation for their baptism. In our church, we believe that all children ages 8 and older know the difference between right and wrong and are now accountable to Heavenly Father for their actions. They can make the decision to be baptized and make sacred covenants with our Heavenly Father when they are eight. He is very excited for that day and to have his own scriptures. :) I tell him I'll take him later that week to get them.
Since his birthday is on PI day, we have also have a tradition (just for his birthday) that we have pie instead of cake. He picked out a pie earlier that week at the store and he is excited to eat it later that day.
That night for our youth activity, combined with the boys, we had a lip sync battle. Yay! I'm super excited for this one! I'm kind of a lip sync freak. It's my thing! The girls think I'm so weird for getting so excited about it, but it's a great way to relieve stress and just let loose. I had pre-arranged with a couple of the other leaders to do a song from the early 90's. I got the idea from my sister last year when we went on a road trip to visit our Dad for his 70th birthday. She put a play list together with 80's/90's songs and when this song started playing she said, "Wouldn't this be the greatest song to lip sync for your young women?!" Yah that's a way cool idea. Just have to wait for the right opportunity. So tonight was the night! Complete with costumes, including fedoras, vests, and pegged pants, we lip synced our hearts out to "Hold On" by Wilson Phillips! (No pictures of that one, sorry!) It was awesome and I had so much fun! We won second place! But more importantly, I hoped that the girls remembered the message that the song portrayed. It's a great message. I love them so much and hope they remember to always hold on. That song means a lot more to me now. Maybe that will be my new theme song.
We enjoyed delicious chocolate cream pie when I got home. It was a really fun day.
Friday, March 15, 2019
Because of the wild weather, a neighbor's fence had blown over and a neighborhood service project was organized to help lift it back up. Scott decided to go help and he took one of our sons. They were practically done by the time he got there. The ward members were happy to see him and he was glad to be of service. I think people were glad to see him, since he's been MIA for the last two months to avoid crowds. But guess what, he would love home visits! As long as you're not sick, you're welcome to visit with him anytime. That would actually be really nice. I'm getting kind of tired being the messenger girl. Just ask him how he's doing!
Saturday, March 16, 2019
Our youngest had a birthday party today. He enjoyed spending time with his friends doing boy things like playing outdoor games and sports, eating pizza and watching a movie. :) Super chill party! I'm all for that! :)
Sunday, March 17, 2019
It's St. Patty's Day! Weird to have it on a Sunday, but my kids all find something green to wear for church and they all look great. We have a good day at church and I have a fuul day of meetings, before and after church. I'm gone from 9:00 AM until 4:00 PM. That was a long day! When I get home, I'm too tired to make our traditional St. Patty's day meal of green pancakes or waffles. It's okay. Maybe next year. My kids didn't ask for it, so we were fine.
Monday, March 18, 2019
I go to another counseling appointment. Not as much crying this time. My daughter registers for her junior year of classes and gets all the ones she wants. Yay! She's excited to not be bottom of the totem pole as a sophomore and get last choice and risk the chance of not getting into the class. I take my two boys to the counselor that they've been on the waiting list for. I visit with him for a little bit in between the two sessions to give him the rundown. My two boys have ADHD, and that is what he specializes in, so it is so comforting to me to know that they will get such good help. Boy, he really knows his stuff, I think as I talk with him. I'm so glad we were led to him.
Tuesday, March 19, 2019
Today I take my 10-year-old to a children's hospital to see a specialist. He has had some bladder issues for years that we are trying to nip in the bud. He has an ultrasound scheduled. I explain to him what that is and how I had one for all my babies when they were inside me and how Dad had one and that's how they found the cancer. He seems excited to be able to see inside his body. I'm nervous for the procedure. Please, don't let it be bladder cancer! I desperately hope and pray as we have the procedure done. It goes off without a hitch and his bladder looks great. Hallelujah! We go talk to the doctor and come up with more strategies on how to help him with his issues. At least his bladder is healthy, and we can cross that off the list and move on to Plan B.
As I'm driving him back to school, I get a phone call from the vice principal about another son who is currently in his office. He has done a stupid, teenage thing, and is dealing with the consequences through the school. He needs me to come in and talk to both of them about it. I tell him I'm on my way and I call my husband and ask him to meet me there.
We get to the school and my younger son goes off to class and I make my way back to the vice principal's office. Scott beat me there and they have started talking. I sit in the chair behind them. The vice principal explains the situation and he and my husband start discussing consequences with our son. Scott talks so calmly to our son and explains about how he reacts to this situation will help define what kind of man he will become. I start to cry, partly because of exhaustion of the events of the morning, but mostly because I just think how wise Scott is. The world needs more good men like this! He can't die! I'm so impressed how he uses this situation to teach our son correct principles and allows him to govern himself. He is a really good parent who is so calm. I use emotion to parent and that usually doesn't go over very well. :( We take our son home and we can tell he's very remorseful and wants to repair the damage he's done. We talk to him about repentance and it's another good teaching moment.
That night, we have a meeting with an estate planner. We've wanted to do this for years, but never got around to it. It's amazing how a life-altering situation forces you to be vigilant. We have a good discussion with him and come up with an action plan and he gives us some assignments to complete before the next time we see him. We have to decide who gets our kids should we both pass away before they're raised. It's not something you want to think about, but needs to be done. We'll have peace of mind once it's all finalized. Another thing to check off the to do list.
Chemo #5 is tomorrow.
Ok, I've waited way too long to post all of this, so I hope my memory holds out. Here are the latest updates:
Monday, March 11, 2019 - My colonoscopy day
My colonoscopy is scheduled for 7:00 AM. It's been two months since our long visit to the ER. Coincidence? No. I need someone to stay there the whole time, up to four hours, since I'll be sedated, and that person will need to drive me home after. I tell Scott that our 18-year-old son is taking me. He can miss a day of school. Besides, Scott's immune system is compromised and hospitals aren't as clean as they claim to be, and I'm getting my procedure done in the same building where his was done. Different doctor though; if I had the same one that would be awkward. I don't want him to get PTSD going back there.
"I didn't even think of any of that," he says, "but that makes sense."
"I did, and you're welcome," I laughingly reply.
I'm nervous for the day. What if they find something in me? I can't handle another bad diagnosis. The medical staff is all very nice. They wheel me back, get me prepped. The nurse has the same name as our eldest son, who is there with me. It didn't even hurt when he poked me for the IV. I compliment him on his skills. "Thank you, I have been doing this a while." :) The doctor comes back to meet me and we talk for a while. The question I'm anticipating of course comes up, of why are you having this procedure done at your age? "You're rather young to have this procedure. Most 29-year-olds don't have one of these done." Awww, what a sweet doctor. I explain to him why and he says "Oh I'm so sorry," so many times that I tell him he needs to stop or he'll make me cry. He is a very kind man and offers so much reassurance.
After a few more minutes of waiting, they wheel me back to the anesthetic room and explain everything again. I was just here two months ago, but patiently listen again, cause this time I'm the patient, not the supportive spouse. The next thing I remember I'm awake in my old hospital room and my son is there. The nurse comes in and asks how I'm doing. Just as I'm about to ask him if that was the stuff Michael Jackson had, he tells me that it was. "I can see why he liked it so much! I was totally out! That's the best sleep I've had in months, and it was only 20 minutes."
The doctor comes in and shows me pictures of my wonderfully healthy, disease-free colon! Not even one polyp! I won't need another colonoscopy for ten years! Wahoo! One less stress to deal with. My son and I leave in good spirits and go out to breakfast at Denny's. We order way too much food and bring leftovers home.
Tuesday, March 12, 2019
I go to my first counseling appointment. I cry almost the whole time, but it feels good to get it all out. I'm glad I decided to start this. I've been needing and wanting to for years. A neutral sounding board and advice-giver is always nice to help you feel more normal. :)
That night I have dinner with a friend who I haven't seen for a while. She's a single mom and it's fun to catch up and share life's joys and sorrows together. We'll have to do it again sometime.
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
That morning the weather was terrible! A blizzard in the middle of March! Really? Only one more week until spring! You couldn't tell that day! I have to go meet with my junior high age son's counselor. It's time to register for 9th grade! Ahhh, high school?! I don't want to go because the roads are so bad, but I don't want to reschedule either. It's fun spending time with him as he chooses some classes that he's interested in. We'll wait to see which ones he gets. I still can't convince him to take ballroom. He's my only kid who wants nothing to do with it. 😆 It's all right. He picked some fun classes, mostly computer ones, and PE, since that's what he's into.
I cancel a date with my mom and a friend because of the weather. My friend calls me at the time we had scheduled to get together and we have a really nice, long talk. I promise to come for a visit when the weather is nicer; hopefully spring will decide to come when it's supposed to this year.
My daughter has her first counseling appointment later that day. She has a fun time getting to know her counselor and is glad to have someone else to talk to. Since I have some time before I go get my boys from school, I go to the office across the street. I've been waiting to hear back from them about a certain counselor for my boys. They have been on a waiting list to see him and when I called the week prior, the receptionist told me that they were next on the list and I should hear from them soon. I figure it would be better if I talk to them in person since I'm there. It's always better to talk face to face than over the phone. I go in and explain our situation to another receptionist (the one I originally talked to wasn't there that day) and tell her my boy's names. She pulls up the info on the counselor and finds out that he has two back to back appointments the following week. "I think I'm gonna cry," she says. "I've worked here for two years, I have never seen that happen! Back to back appointments, for the same family! That's a miracle!" Another tender mercy, I think. I tell her I'm so glad someone up above is looking out for us. :) She then shares that her first husband died of a brain tumor when he was just 33 and she was left with three little kids. She reassures me that I will be OK. Another angel from heaven! I ask if I can give her a hug before I leave, and of course she accepts. I never would have met this woman if it hadn't been for our situation. Thank you, Heavenly Father. He really does know us. :)
Scott starts ozone therapy today. He gets to sit in a big machine and have it pump ozone into his body. It's supposed to help his body release toxins. We met the owner last week on our way to Scott's chemo treatment. We had a good visit with him and are very grateful to the people who introduced us to him.
That night, I went to a church activity with other sisters in my ward. Every so often, the women's organization of the church, called the Relief Society, has an mid-week activity. It's a good opportunity to come together and feel of the sisterhood that we share as a part of this organization. I honestly didn't want to go. I didn't feel like I had a lot in common with these women and I enjoy my comfort zone of being with the young women. And I had so many other things happening in the evening that week, that it was just one more thing. I convinced myself that I would stay home and enjoy time with my family. After hearing a talk from one of these incredible sisters last Sunday in church, I changed my mind. I needed to be there to feel of their love and friendship. It knew it would really help me. I'm so glad that I went. I got to know some sisters better and meet new ones. I felt an incredible amount of love and like I truly belonged. It was so needed.
Thursday, March 14, 2019
It's my baby's birthday today. He turned 8 years old. How does the time go so fast?
He sure enjoyed his LEGOs.
He keeps asking me to take him to the store to "get his Bible." 😆 In our family we have a tradition that when our children turn eight, we get them a full set of scriptures, in preparation for their baptism. In our church, we believe that all children ages 8 and older know the difference between right and wrong and are now accountable to Heavenly Father for their actions. They can make the decision to be baptized and make sacred covenants with our Heavenly Father when they are eight. He is very excited for that day and to have his own scriptures. :) I tell him I'll take him later that week to get them.Since his birthday is on PI day, we have also have a tradition (just for his birthday) that we have pie instead of cake. He picked out a pie earlier that week at the store and he is excited to eat it later that day.
That night for our youth activity, combined with the boys, we had a lip sync battle. Yay! I'm super excited for this one! I'm kind of a lip sync freak. It's my thing! The girls think I'm so weird for getting so excited about it, but it's a great way to relieve stress and just let loose. I had pre-arranged with a couple of the other leaders to do a song from the early 90's. I got the idea from my sister last year when we went on a road trip to visit our Dad for his 70th birthday. She put a play list together with 80's/90's songs and when this song started playing she said, "Wouldn't this be the greatest song to lip sync for your young women?!" Yah that's a way cool idea. Just have to wait for the right opportunity. So tonight was the night! Complete with costumes, including fedoras, vests, and pegged pants, we lip synced our hearts out to "Hold On" by Wilson Phillips! (No pictures of that one, sorry!) It was awesome and I had so much fun! We won second place! But more importantly, I hoped that the girls remembered the message that the song portrayed. It's a great message. I love them so much and hope they remember to always hold on. That song means a lot more to me now. Maybe that will be my new theme song.
We enjoyed delicious chocolate cream pie when I got home. It was a really fun day.
Friday, March 15, 2019
Because of the wild weather, a neighbor's fence had blown over and a neighborhood service project was organized to help lift it back up. Scott decided to go help and he took one of our sons. They were practically done by the time he got there. The ward members were happy to see him and he was glad to be of service. I think people were glad to see him, since he's been MIA for the last two months to avoid crowds. But guess what, he would love home visits! As long as you're not sick, you're welcome to visit with him anytime. That would actually be really nice. I'm getting kind of tired being the messenger girl. Just ask him how he's doing!
Saturday, March 16, 2019
Our youngest had a birthday party today. He enjoyed spending time with his friends doing boy things like playing outdoor games and sports, eating pizza and watching a movie. :) Super chill party! I'm all for that! :)
Sunday, March 17, 2019
It's St. Patty's Day! Weird to have it on a Sunday, but my kids all find something green to wear for church and they all look great. We have a good day at church and I have a fuul day of meetings, before and after church. I'm gone from 9:00 AM until 4:00 PM. That was a long day! When I get home, I'm too tired to make our traditional St. Patty's day meal of green pancakes or waffles. It's okay. Maybe next year. My kids didn't ask for it, so we were fine.
Monday, March 18, 2019
I go to another counseling appointment. Not as much crying this time. My daughter registers for her junior year of classes and gets all the ones she wants. Yay! She's excited to not be bottom of the totem pole as a sophomore and get last choice and risk the chance of not getting into the class. I take my two boys to the counselor that they've been on the waiting list for. I visit with him for a little bit in between the two sessions to give him the rundown. My two boys have ADHD, and that is what he specializes in, so it is so comforting to me to know that they will get such good help. Boy, he really knows his stuff, I think as I talk with him. I'm so glad we were led to him.
Tuesday, March 19, 2019
Today I take my 10-year-old to a children's hospital to see a specialist. He has had some bladder issues for years that we are trying to nip in the bud. He has an ultrasound scheduled. I explain to him what that is and how I had one for all my babies when they were inside me and how Dad had one and that's how they found the cancer. He seems excited to be able to see inside his body. I'm nervous for the procedure. Please, don't let it be bladder cancer! I desperately hope and pray as we have the procedure done. It goes off without a hitch and his bladder looks great. Hallelujah! We go talk to the doctor and come up with more strategies on how to help him with his issues. At least his bladder is healthy, and we can cross that off the list and move on to Plan B.
As I'm driving him back to school, I get a phone call from the vice principal about another son who is currently in his office. He has done a stupid, teenage thing, and is dealing with the consequences through the school. He needs me to come in and talk to both of them about it. I tell him I'm on my way and I call my husband and ask him to meet me there.
We get to the school and my younger son goes off to class and I make my way back to the vice principal's office. Scott beat me there and they have started talking. I sit in the chair behind them. The vice principal explains the situation and he and my husband start discussing consequences with our son. Scott talks so calmly to our son and explains about how he reacts to this situation will help define what kind of man he will become. I start to cry, partly because of exhaustion of the events of the morning, but mostly because I just think how wise Scott is. The world needs more good men like this! He can't die! I'm so impressed how he uses this situation to teach our son correct principles and allows him to govern himself. He is a really good parent who is so calm. I use emotion to parent and that usually doesn't go over very well. :( We take our son home and we can tell he's very remorseful and wants to repair the damage he's done. We talk to him about repentance and it's another good teaching moment.
That night, we have a meeting with an estate planner. We've wanted to do this for years, but never got around to it. It's amazing how a life-altering situation forces you to be vigilant. We have a good discussion with him and come up with an action plan and he gives us some assignments to complete before the next time we see him. We have to decide who gets our kids should we both pass away before they're raised. It's not something you want to think about, but needs to be done. We'll have peace of mind once it's all finalized. Another thing to check off the to do list.
Chemo #5 is tomorrow.
Sunday, March 10, 2019
Chemo #4
Chapter 13 - How Can you Stay so Strong?
So many people have commented to me since this journey began about my strength. They can't believe I am so strong through all of this. Ha, they haven't seen me in my weak moments, thank goodness! I think. But then I start to think that, yah, I, and my family are doing remarkably well, despite this difficult trial. So why is that? I ask myself. Time for self-evaluation.
1) The number one reason I have the strength to endure this is because of my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. I KNOW they are helping me, guiding me, strengthening me and sustaining me, as well as my husband and children. There is such a power in prayer that I always kind of knew, but didn't really experience until this happened. So many people have been praying for us, reaching out, serving us and just being all sorts of kind to our family, not because they feel sorry for us, but because they truly love and care about us. I can truly feel my Savior's love through them and these experiences are little pieces of heaven on earth.
2) Ok, now I can't see what I'm typing because I cried as I typed that last paragraph. 😭 Another thing that helps a TON is a podcast that I listen to called Bold New Mom, and is hosted by a woman named Jody Moore, who is a life coach. This podcast was recommended to me about a year ago from a Bunco friend. I started listening about six months ago and it has been life changing. I try to listen to one or two episodes a week, more if I can squeeze them in. I'd like to share some things she said on the last podcast I listened to as my husband lay in a hyperbaric chamber two nights before his fourth chemo treatment. Being led to this kind friend who allows him to use it is another tender mercy that we were granted. Anyhow, I digress. These are some things that Jody shared in the podcast that stood out and spoke to me. During this podcast she was answering questions emailed from listeners and many of the questions had to do with hard things listeners were facing in their lives and how they could cope. This is what she had to say in response to their questions.
3) I wear this necklace every day to remind me where my strength comes from.
Updates on my husband: Isn't that the only reason people read this blog anyway? 😆
Scott went in for his fourth chemo treatment on Wednesday. We met with the doctor before the appointment, and we had a gazillion questions again. Primarily, we wanted to talk to him about Scott's inability to digest food. Is that a medical condition, is it chemo related, or did he catch a bug? The answer is there's no way to really know, but yes there is a medical condition called gastroparesis in which a person's stomach doesn't digest food properly, if at all. He prescribed a medication that he can take should it happen again.
We also requested for his vitamin B and D levels to be checked because we have read that those levels can directly affect your body's ability to fight cancer.
https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/treating-cancer-naturally/
The doctor remarked that Scott had lost a lot of weight, (15 pounds since treatment started). I replied that he is actually at a healthy weight now and he was less "puffy." Yes he has lost weight, but I don't think he looks unhealthy. We have changed the way we eat and when you do that so drastically you are going to lose weight quickly. The doctor disagreed with what I said and seemed like he was concerned at his rapid weight loss and encouraged him to maintain a healthy weight, yet he didn't say what that weight should be, or what he should do to maintain that weight. I chuckled in my mind because he is a rather rotund fellow himself. We'll keep monitoring his weight loss and now that he can keep food down (knock on wood), I think his weight loss won't be as rapid. I think he looks fine.
We asked him about when his next scan would be. He said after treatment #6, which is next month! :) We set up a tentative date for the scan, for my piece of mind. Scott asked the doctor questions about alternative treatments (oxygen therapy and ozone therapy) and if he knew if they would counteract negatively with the chemo. He didn't know the answer and said that there was no data to support it either way, which is exactly what the people who have tried these alternative treatments (and are now cancer free)😁 said he would say. Medical doctors only know their field of study (cancer and prescriptions) and so there is no data backed by the medical community to support these findings. Hopefully the two sides of medicine, prescriptions and natural remedies, can come together to find a cure for these maladies that we all suffer from. Until then, we'll have to keep paying out of pocket for "alternative" solutions that the insurance companies won't cover. So dumb, it's like we can't take charge of our own health!
Okay, enough of my soapbox! Back to chemo treatment #4. The nurses faces are all starting to be familiar now. Scott is still the youngest one there; there was one guy there maybe in his fifties, but everyone else is retirement age. The nurses are super cool. We had awesome conversations with them about pretty much everything under the sun. They are our age - we talked about kids, church, music that we liked in high school that is now considered "oldies." One nurse commented how the newer and younger nurses there didn't even know who certain 80s artist were! They'd never heard of them! How sad! I pulled out my 80s playlist and we enjoyed listening to a few great songs. Since the chemo room wasn't full, I got to sit on one of the comfy chemo chairs instead of the uncomfortable "visitor" chairs placed by each chemo chair. One nurse even jokingly offered me some leftover chemo since I was sitting there. Boy, they sure know how to take the edge off and help everyone feel comfortable. Scott finished his chemo around 3:00 and then we went to our daughter's ballroom competition for the rest of the night. He was so glad to finally be able to go to one since he hasn't been able to attend this whole season. He wore his mask for most of the time in order to not catch any germs. It was great to spend time with him, supporting our daughter and watching the beautiful dancing. We stayed until the very end and had a great time!
The rest of this weekend has been good; he hasn't been nauseous or sick (YAY!), just a little tired. I have been at the ballroom competition every day since Wednesday. It's the national competition; the last one of the season. Our daughter competed with her team, and individually. Our ten-year-old son also competed with his team and individually. His team won first place, again! He was so excited! :) It was great to be there, but it's so nice to be home and just chill with my family.
Tomorrow I get my colonoscopy (yuck!), but I'm glad I'm getting it done. And guess what, my insurance will pay for it! :) I also finally made an appointment with a therapist, as well as one for our daughter. She has been wanting to talk to someone for a while and has pushed me to get that done. I'm hoping we enjoy this experience and find a positive outlet to vent all of our feelings.
Well, those are the latest updates. I'm really going to try to write a little bit every day because this post has taken a LONG time to write and it's hard to remember everything. Until next time. :)
So many people have commented to me since this journey began about my strength. They can't believe I am so strong through all of this. Ha, they haven't seen me in my weak moments, thank goodness! I think. But then I start to think that, yah, I, and my family are doing remarkably well, despite this difficult trial. So why is that? I ask myself. Time for self-evaluation.
1) The number one reason I have the strength to endure this is because of my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. I KNOW they are helping me, guiding me, strengthening me and sustaining me, as well as my husband and children. There is such a power in prayer that I always kind of knew, but didn't really experience until this happened. So many people have been praying for us, reaching out, serving us and just being all sorts of kind to our family, not because they feel sorry for us, but because they truly love and care about us. I can truly feel my Savior's love through them and these experiences are little pieces of heaven on earth.
2) Ok, now I can't see what I'm typing because I cried as I typed that last paragraph. 😭 Another thing that helps a TON is a podcast that I listen to called Bold New Mom, and is hosted by a woman named Jody Moore, who is a life coach. This podcast was recommended to me about a year ago from a Bunco friend. I started listening about six months ago and it has been life changing. I try to listen to one or two episodes a week, more if I can squeeze them in. I'd like to share some things she said on the last podcast I listened to as my husband lay in a hyperbaric chamber two nights before his fourth chemo treatment. Being led to this kind friend who allows him to use it is another tender mercy that we were granted. Anyhow, I digress. These are some things that Jody shared in the podcast that stood out and spoke to me. During this podcast she was answering questions emailed from listeners and many of the questions had to do with hard things listeners were facing in their lives and how they could cope. This is what she had to say in response to their questions.
- "Your life is not hard unless you choose to believe it is hard .... Why would you want to doubt your own capacity for joy?"
- If you're feeling overwhelmed, it's because of a lack of belief in yourself and in your ability to create what you want in your life, for yourself and for the people around you
- You feel overwhelmed because you're not taking care of you; you're treating yourself like a punching bag and allowing others to do the same (I'd rather use my real punching bag, thank you very much! Although I haven't used it yet, because it's outside on my deck and it won't stop snowing long enough for me to go out there and enjoy it without slipping on the ice!) 😣
- You are not missing out on any experience you are supposed to have; all of this is part of your perfect journey and disappointment is just a feeling.
3) I wear this necklace every day to remind me where my strength comes from.
- The Wonder Woman signal is a reminder of the BEST super hero there is. I honestly didn't know much about her until the movie came out in 2017. Ever since then, I've kind of become obsessed. That movie and her character spoke to me. I am inspired when women, real or imagined, are empowered to do great things. Even though her character is fictional, it's what she stands for that speaks to me. (Spoiler alert: IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MOVIE, YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T READ THIS PART UNTIL YOU DO, UNLESS YOU DON'T WANT TO OR DON'T CARE ABOUT SPOILERS!) Toward the end of the movie, when she is having the epic battle with her brother Aries and is going through emotional turmoil because she just lost the love of her life, it seems like she will lose the battle, until she says, "I believe in love!" Then she's able to break through the "chains" that bind her down and defeats her brother and saves the world. Pretty awesome! Anyways, that's why she's the greatest super hero, plus she's a goddess, too, which is pretty cool. She has compassion and fights for love.What better cause is there than that?
- The second item on the necklace, the sword, also has to do with Wonder Woman. It's her sword, which she uses to fight for justice. It reminds me of our fight that we're fighting right now.
- The third item on the necklace is my favorite. It is a medallion that can be earned by Young Women, their mothers and their leaders, in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, through a goal setting and personal growth process called Personal Progress. It requires hours of hard work as girls and women set goals and work toward achieving them. These goals include reading and studying many scripture verses, writing their thoughts and feelings in their personal journal, and completing a total of eight 10-hour projects to enhance or discover their talents in a variety of different areas. Needless to say, it is quite the accomplishment when this award is earned and every time I see this medallion I'm reminded of the awesome young women that I have the opportunity to be with. I love them so much.
Updates on my husband: Isn't that the only reason people read this blog anyway? 😆
Scott went in for his fourth chemo treatment on Wednesday. We met with the doctor before the appointment, and we had a gazillion questions again. Primarily, we wanted to talk to him about Scott's inability to digest food. Is that a medical condition, is it chemo related, or did he catch a bug? The answer is there's no way to really know, but yes there is a medical condition called gastroparesis in which a person's stomach doesn't digest food properly, if at all. He prescribed a medication that he can take should it happen again.
We also requested for his vitamin B and D levels to be checked because we have read that those levels can directly affect your body's ability to fight cancer.
https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/treating-cancer-naturally/
The doctor remarked that Scott had lost a lot of weight, (15 pounds since treatment started). I replied that he is actually at a healthy weight now and he was less "puffy." Yes he has lost weight, but I don't think he looks unhealthy. We have changed the way we eat and when you do that so drastically you are going to lose weight quickly. The doctor disagreed with what I said and seemed like he was concerned at his rapid weight loss and encouraged him to maintain a healthy weight, yet he didn't say what that weight should be, or what he should do to maintain that weight. I chuckled in my mind because he is a rather rotund fellow himself. We'll keep monitoring his weight loss and now that he can keep food down (knock on wood), I think his weight loss won't be as rapid. I think he looks fine.
We asked him about when his next scan would be. He said after treatment #6, which is next month! :) We set up a tentative date for the scan, for my piece of mind. Scott asked the doctor questions about alternative treatments (oxygen therapy and ozone therapy) and if he knew if they would counteract negatively with the chemo. He didn't know the answer and said that there was no data to support it either way, which is exactly what the people who have tried these alternative treatments (and are now cancer free)😁 said he would say. Medical doctors only know their field of study (cancer and prescriptions) and so there is no data backed by the medical community to support these findings. Hopefully the two sides of medicine, prescriptions and natural remedies, can come together to find a cure for these maladies that we all suffer from. Until then, we'll have to keep paying out of pocket for "alternative" solutions that the insurance companies won't cover. So dumb, it's like we can't take charge of our own health!
Okay, enough of my soapbox! Back to chemo treatment #4. The nurses faces are all starting to be familiar now. Scott is still the youngest one there; there was one guy there maybe in his fifties, but everyone else is retirement age. The nurses are super cool. We had awesome conversations with them about pretty much everything under the sun. They are our age - we talked about kids, church, music that we liked in high school that is now considered "oldies." One nurse commented how the newer and younger nurses there didn't even know who certain 80s artist were! They'd never heard of them! How sad! I pulled out my 80s playlist and we enjoyed listening to a few great songs. Since the chemo room wasn't full, I got to sit on one of the comfy chemo chairs instead of the uncomfortable "visitor" chairs placed by each chemo chair. One nurse even jokingly offered me some leftover chemo since I was sitting there. Boy, they sure know how to take the edge off and help everyone feel comfortable. Scott finished his chemo around 3:00 and then we went to our daughter's ballroom competition for the rest of the night. He was so glad to finally be able to go to one since he hasn't been able to attend this whole season. He wore his mask for most of the time in order to not catch any germs. It was great to spend time with him, supporting our daughter and watching the beautiful dancing. We stayed until the very end and had a great time!
The rest of this weekend has been good; he hasn't been nauseous or sick (YAY!), just a little tired. I have been at the ballroom competition every day since Wednesday. It's the national competition; the last one of the season. Our daughter competed with her team, and individually. Our ten-year-old son also competed with his team and individually. His team won first place, again! He was so excited! :) It was great to be there, but it's so nice to be home and just chill with my family.
Tomorrow I get my colonoscopy (yuck!), but I'm glad I'm getting it done. And guess what, my insurance will pay for it! :) I also finally made an appointment with a therapist, as well as one for our daughter. She has been wanting to talk to someone for a while and has pushed me to get that done. I'm hoping we enjoy this experience and find a positive outlet to vent all of our feelings.
Well, those are the latest updates. I'm really going to try to write a little bit every day because this post has taken a LONG time to write and it's hard to remember everything. Until next time. :)
Monday, March 4, 2019
Chemo treatment #3
Chapter 12 - A Long, Cold Winter
(Oh my gosh! I haven't posted in a long time, and so many people have been asking for updates, so here's the latest news! Thanks for your concern and support. I will try to be better about posting regularly.)
February 22
"What a long cold winter
Will it ever be spring
Will the snow stop falling
Will the robins sing?"
Those are words to a musical adaptation to the classic, beloved story Little Women, called Jo. When I was in 7th grade, I played the part of the bratty, spoiled youngest sister, Amy, and I sang that song. It was sooooo out of my comfort zone! I was a painfully shy youth, and always mad; I don't know about what. I tried out for the play because it was a very small school and practically everyone who tried out got a part, all two of my friends were trying out also, and my mom's friend from college was directing the play, so I was a shoe-in, right? I couldn't fail. It was type casting, really; as I mentioned earlier I was a bratty, mad youth. (Not sure if I've changed much, except for the youth part.) 🤣 I cherish the experience of that musical. I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to be stretched and learn new things and grow. I remember vividly practicing hard for my solo singing part. A very loving, patient teacher, who I still remember with admiration today, helped me reach a high F; which was quite a stretch for my alto voice. Why am I mentioning this event that happened over thirty years ago? Because I'm sick of winter! While the thin blanket of snow that covers the landscape is beautiful to look at, I wish it would just be over already. This time of year, when there's only about a month left of winter (hopefully), I get down. The holidays are over, the kids are back in full swing at school. I enjoy walking and running outside; but it's too cold and icy to do that now. The kids bring home sick bugs from school; it's that time of year. I wish school would just be cancelled for January and February so everyone could keep their germs to themselves. My two youngest have missed a week of school! They finally went back today. Keeping them quarantined from Dad for a week was not fun, nor effective. It didn't work! How am I supposed to keep sick kids away from their immune-compromised Dad? I'm counting down the days until March 20th!
Scott went in Wednesday for chemo treatment #3. They gave him an additional drug this time, Avastin. The doctor didn't want to give it to him until his port scar completely healed, because it's a blood thinner and the blood doesn't clot. His treatment this time took 5 hours, instead of 4, to get the last drug in. For those wondering what drugs his chemo "cocktail" is, besides the Avastin, he is also receiving Oxaliplatin, Leucovorin and my favorite, Fluorouracil, more affectionately known by it's abbreviated version, 5-FU! Haha! For those interested in that scientific medical jargon, you can go to www.chemocare.com for more info on all of these drugs. Needless to say, this is the treatment where he's really starting to feel it! Yesterday he was puking and he hasn't eaten much. He's hardly slept at all. Is the puking because of the chemo or because our two youngest boys were sick with flu-like symptoms last week, or both? He goes in today to have his tube removed from his port and we'll ask the nurses then. (Update: they have no idea, surprise, surprise!)🙄 Other side effects of these medications are cold sensitivity in his fingertips and toes, aka neuropathy. That's another reason why we want this long, cold winter to be over with.
On the recommendation of a friend, I bought a book called My Parent Has Cancer and it Really Sucks! It was written for teens by a father and daughter team who were caregivers for their wife and mother. It's very appropriately titled and I'm enjoying reading it. I will give it to my kids to read when I'm finished. There's a phrase in there that describes perfectly my husband's state of fatigue after chemo. "Chemotherapy-related fatigue is like ten times tired." There are certain levels of tiredness. There's the tired you feel after playing a game of sports, the tired you feel if you have to get up early and you stayed up too late, or the sleep deprivation level of tired when your sleep is interrupted because of a newborn in the house, or staying up to care for a sick child. Each of those levels of "tiredness" are difficult, but NONE OF THEM compare to chemo tired. Scott described it as "I'm so tired, I can't sleep. I don't have energy to do anything. I lay there and can't even read, watch TV, look on my computer, etc. My legs feel like Jell-O." This is going to be a sucky weekend!
Saturday, February 23
My husband has pretty much been up all night puking or in pain. Nothing he takes helps him feel any better. He curled up in a fetal position last night and just had to lay there until it felt better. I went to bed with him laying on the floor like that. I wish there was something I could do to help. I went to go use the bathroom last night and he was on the bathroom floor unable to move. He needed my help to get to bed. He hadn't been there very long, thank goodness, but he said it took all of his strength to crawl into the bathroom from the front room (only about 20 feet) to puke in the toilet. Really?! I wonder if this is worth it! I hate seeing him in this much pain. 😢
Our daughter has a ballroom competition all day today. I am so excited to go see her compete. She loves it and is getting really good. I'm glad to be able to leave home and drown out the cancer drama for a while. My sister-in-law and niece meet me there and we have so much fun cheering her on! She and her partner took second place (in the state) in the swing! Way to go, girl! It's so fun to scream our guts out for her. She wears her medal with pride for the rest of the competition, except for when she's dancing and she tells me later that she dedicated her medal to her dad because he couldn't be there. (We really hope he's at the next one.) She also competes in the samba, and she and her partner make it to the semifinals; they've never gotten that far yet. They are hoping for the finals at the next competition in early March. I'm so proud of her hard work. She will go far with a positive attitude and strong work ethic. I love to see her excel at what she loves!
Future plans
Besides chemo treatments every two weeks and scans every 3 months to see if any cancer cells have shrunk, we are also planning to meet with a genetic counselor in March to determine if the cancer is genetic or environmental. Both Scott and I are being tested. Even if our insurance won't cover it for me, it's not too expensive and I would like to know if I have a cancer gene somewhere too. I also called a GI doc and asked them to order a colonoscopy for me too. If there are any issues with insurance, I will fight them to cover it. I don't want my kids to be orphans!
On a more positive note, we bought our plane tickets for our Hawaii trip in June. We are getting super excited to go on this trip! And, no chemo for a month!
Tender Mercies and Mood Lifters since the last post
(Oh my gosh! I haven't posted in a long time, and so many people have been asking for updates, so here's the latest news! Thanks for your concern and support. I will try to be better about posting regularly.)
February 22
"What a long cold winter
Will it ever be spring
Will the snow stop falling
Will the robins sing?"
Those are words to a musical adaptation to the classic, beloved story Little Women, called Jo. When I was in 7th grade, I played the part of the bratty, spoiled youngest sister, Amy, and I sang that song. It was sooooo out of my comfort zone! I was a painfully shy youth, and always mad; I don't know about what. I tried out for the play because it was a very small school and practically everyone who tried out got a part, all two of my friends were trying out also, and my mom's friend from college was directing the play, so I was a shoe-in, right? I couldn't fail. It was type casting, really; as I mentioned earlier I was a bratty, mad youth. (Not sure if I've changed much, except for the youth part.) 🤣 I cherish the experience of that musical. I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to be stretched and learn new things and grow. I remember vividly practicing hard for my solo singing part. A very loving, patient teacher, who I still remember with admiration today, helped me reach a high F; which was quite a stretch for my alto voice. Why am I mentioning this event that happened over thirty years ago? Because I'm sick of winter! While the thin blanket of snow that covers the landscape is beautiful to look at, I wish it would just be over already. This time of year, when there's only about a month left of winter (hopefully), I get down. The holidays are over, the kids are back in full swing at school. I enjoy walking and running outside; but it's too cold and icy to do that now. The kids bring home sick bugs from school; it's that time of year. I wish school would just be cancelled for January and February so everyone could keep their germs to themselves. My two youngest have missed a week of school! They finally went back today. Keeping them quarantined from Dad for a week was not fun, nor effective. It didn't work! How am I supposed to keep sick kids away from their immune-compromised Dad? I'm counting down the days until March 20th!
Scott went in Wednesday for chemo treatment #3. They gave him an additional drug this time, Avastin. The doctor didn't want to give it to him until his port scar completely healed, because it's a blood thinner and the blood doesn't clot. His treatment this time took 5 hours, instead of 4, to get the last drug in. For those wondering what drugs his chemo "cocktail" is, besides the Avastin, he is also receiving Oxaliplatin, Leucovorin and my favorite, Fluorouracil, more affectionately known by it's abbreviated version, 5-FU! Haha! For those interested in that scientific medical jargon, you can go to www.chemocare.com for more info on all of these drugs. Needless to say, this is the treatment where he's really starting to feel it! Yesterday he was puking and he hasn't eaten much. He's hardly slept at all. Is the puking because of the chemo or because our two youngest boys were sick with flu-like symptoms last week, or both? He goes in today to have his tube removed from his port and we'll ask the nurses then. (Update: they have no idea, surprise, surprise!)🙄 Other side effects of these medications are cold sensitivity in his fingertips and toes, aka neuropathy. That's another reason why we want this long, cold winter to be over with.
On the recommendation of a friend, I bought a book called My Parent Has Cancer and it Really Sucks! It was written for teens by a father and daughter team who were caregivers for their wife and mother. It's very appropriately titled and I'm enjoying reading it. I will give it to my kids to read when I'm finished. There's a phrase in there that describes perfectly my husband's state of fatigue after chemo. "Chemotherapy-related fatigue is like ten times tired." There are certain levels of tiredness. There's the tired you feel after playing a game of sports, the tired you feel if you have to get up early and you stayed up too late, or the sleep deprivation level of tired when your sleep is interrupted because of a newborn in the house, or staying up to care for a sick child. Each of those levels of "tiredness" are difficult, but NONE OF THEM compare to chemo tired. Scott described it as "I'm so tired, I can't sleep. I don't have energy to do anything. I lay there and can't even read, watch TV, look on my computer, etc. My legs feel like Jell-O." This is going to be a sucky weekend!
Saturday, February 23
My husband has pretty much been up all night puking or in pain. Nothing he takes helps him feel any better. He curled up in a fetal position last night and just had to lay there until it felt better. I went to bed with him laying on the floor like that. I wish there was something I could do to help. I went to go use the bathroom last night and he was on the bathroom floor unable to move. He needed my help to get to bed. He hadn't been there very long, thank goodness, but he said it took all of his strength to crawl into the bathroom from the front room (only about 20 feet) to puke in the toilet. Really?! I wonder if this is worth it! I hate seeing him in this much pain. 😢
Our daughter has a ballroom competition all day today. I am so excited to go see her compete. She loves it and is getting really good. I'm glad to be able to leave home and drown out the cancer drama for a while. My sister-in-law and niece meet me there and we have so much fun cheering her on! She and her partner took second place (in the state) in the swing! Way to go, girl! It's so fun to scream our guts out for her. She wears her medal with pride for the rest of the competition, except for when she's dancing and she tells me later that she dedicated her medal to her dad because he couldn't be there. (We really hope he's at the next one.) She also competes in the samba, and she and her partner make it to the semifinals; they've never gotten that far yet. They are hoping for the finals at the next competition in early March. I'm so proud of her hard work. She will go far with a positive attitude and strong work ethic. I love to see her excel at what she loves!
Future plans
Besides chemo treatments every two weeks and scans every 3 months to see if any cancer cells have shrunk, we are also planning to meet with a genetic counselor in March to determine if the cancer is genetic or environmental. Both Scott and I are being tested. Even if our insurance won't cover it for me, it's not too expensive and I would like to know if I have a cancer gene somewhere too. I also called a GI doc and asked them to order a colonoscopy for me too. If there are any issues with insurance, I will fight them to cover it. I don't want my kids to be orphans!
On a more positive note, we bought our plane tickets for our Hawaii trip in June. We are getting super excited to go on this trip! And, no chemo for a month!
Tender Mercies and Mood Lifters since the last post
- We both had a REALLY hard weekend and a sweet ward member who checks on us regularly came over and gave both Scott and I incredible blessings. I could feel the love he, and the Lord, have for our family through these blessings. The blessing he gave me was probably the most comforting one I've received in my entire life. This man and his wife have become like our adopted parents through this process and we are so grateful for all they have done for us. I know we can count on them for ANYTHING! Oh how we love them!❤
- The Monday following Scott's chemo, some ladies from the ward came over and helped me clean and sanitize my house. Many of them said they could come over again and help as needed. That was really reassuring to me that know that there are people there to help ease the burden so I don't have to do it all myself. True, my kids can help clean the house, and they do help out and do their assigned chores, but the deep cleaning to help kill the germs sometimes requires a little more elbow grease than three teenagers and two little boys can offer.
- We got family pictures taken yesterday by a dear family member. I can't wait to post them! :) We haven't had family pictures taken in about five years. It was so nice of her to help us capture some sweet family memories.
- An amazing, long conversation with another dear family member who has gone through caring for a loved one with cancer; in her case it was her child. He's happily cancer free for the last 3 and 1/2 years. I haven't talked to her in years and it was wonderful to get her perspective as she went through this process. A good listening ear from someone who has been through almost EXACTLY what we're going through was such a comfort to me. I look forward to talking to her a lot as we go throughout this process.
- We've started implementing small lifestyle changes that will help improve our overall health. We've stopped eating sugar (which is huge, we both have a sweet tooth), we're doing a lot of juicing and having lots of smoothies. I've tried some yummy healthy recipes that, surprisingly, almost everyone in the family actually likes.
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