Chemo #4

Chapter 13 - How Can you Stay so Strong?

So many people have commented to me since this journey began about my strength. They can't believe I am so strong through all of this. Ha, they haven't seen me in my weak moments, thank goodness! I think. But then I start to think that, yah, I, and my family are doing remarkably well, despite this difficult trial. So why is that? I ask myself. Time for self-evaluation.

1) The number one reason I have the strength to endure this is because of my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. I KNOW they are helping me, guiding me, strengthening me and sustaining me, as well as my husband and children. There is such a power in prayer that I always kind of knew, but didn't really experience until this happened. So many people have been praying for us, reaching out, serving us and just being all sorts of kind to our family, not because they feel sorry for us, but because they truly love and care about us. I can truly feel my Savior's love through them and  these experiences are little pieces of heaven on earth.

2) Ok, now I can't see what I'm typing because I cried as I typed that last paragraph. 😭 Another thing that helps a TON is a podcast that I listen to called Bold New Mom, and is hosted by a woman named Jody Moore, who is a life coach. This podcast was recommended to me about a year ago from a Bunco friend. I started listening about six months ago and it has been life changing. I try to listen to one or two episodes a week, more if I can squeeze them in. I'd like to share some things she said on the last podcast I listened to as my husband lay in a hyperbaric chamber two nights before his fourth chemo treatment. Being led to this kind friend who allows him to use it is another tender mercy that we were granted. Anyhow, I digress. These are some things that Jody shared in the podcast that stood out and spoke to me. During this podcast she was answering questions emailed from listeners and many of the questions had to do with hard things listeners were facing in their lives and how they could cope. This is what she had to say in response to their questions.

• "Your life is not hard unless you choose to believe it is hard .... Why would you want to doubt your own capacity for joy?" 
• If you're feeling overwhelmed, it's because of a lack of belief in yourself and in your ability to create what you want in your life, for yourself and for the people around you
• You feel overwhelmed because you're not taking care of you; you're treating yourself like a punching bag and allowing others to do the same (I'd rather use my real punching bag, thank you very much! Although I haven't used it yet, because it's outside on my deck and it won't stop snowing long enough for me to go out there and enjoy it without slipping on the ice!) 😣
• You are not missing out on any experience you are supposed to have; all of this is part of your perfect journey and disappointment is just a feeling.

Wow! Do you have warm fuzzies all over? Are you feeling empowered? That's just a tidbit of her amazing insights that keep me going through this difficult experience. You should check out her podcast - Bold New Mom. :)

3) I wear this necklace every day to remind me where my strength comes from.

• The Wonder Woman signal is a reminder of the BEST super hero there is. I honestly didn't know much about her until the movie came out in 2017. Ever since then, I've kind of become obsessed. That movie and her character spoke to me. I am inspired when women, real or imagined, are empowered to do great things. Even though her character is fictional, it's what she stands for that speaks to me. (Spoiler alert: IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MOVIE, YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T READ THIS PART UNTIL YOU DO, UNLESS YOU DON'T WANT TO OR DON'T CARE ABOUT SPOILERS!) Toward the end of the movie, when she is having the epic battle with her brother Aries and is going through emotional turmoil because she just lost the love of her life, it seems like she will lose the battle, until she says, "I believe in love!" Then she's able to break through the "chains" that bind her down and defeats her brother and saves the world. Pretty awesome! Anyways, that's why she's the greatest super hero, plus she's a goddess, too, which is pretty cool. She has compassion and fights for love.What better cause is there than that? 
• The second item on the necklace, the sword, also has to do with Wonder Woman. It's her sword, which she uses to fight for justice. It reminds me of our fight that we're fighting right now.
• The third item on the necklace is my favorite. It is a medallion that can be earned by Young Women, their mothers and their leaders, in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, through a goal setting and personal growth process called Personal Progress. It requires hours of hard work as girls and women set goals and work toward achieving them. These goals include reading and studying many scripture verses, writing their thoughts and feelings in their personal journal, and completing a total of eight 10-hour projects to enhance or discover their talents in a variety of different areas. Needless to say, it is quite the accomplishment when this award is earned and every time I see this medallion I'm reminded of the awesome young women that I have the opportunity to be with. I love them so much. 

So, when you ask, "How can you stay so strong?", now you know the answer, well, three reasons why, anyway.

Updates on my husband: Isn't that the only reason people read this blog anyway? 😆

Scott went in for his fourth chemo treatment on Wednesday. We met with the doctor before the appointment, and we had a gazillion questions again. Primarily, we wanted to talk to him about Scott's inability to digest food. Is that a medical condition, is it chemo related, or did he catch a bug? The answer is there's no way to really know, but yes there is a medical condition called gastroparesis in which a person's stomach doesn't digest food properly, if at all. He prescribed a medication that he can take should it happen again.
We also requested for his vitamin B and D levels to be checked because we have read that those levels can directly affect your body's ability to fight cancer. 
https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/treating-cancer-naturally/
The doctor remarked that Scott had lost a lot of weight, (15 pounds since treatment started). I replied that he is actually at a healthy weight now and he was less "puffy." Yes he has lost weight, but I don't think he looks unhealthy. We have changed the way we eat and when you do that so drastically you are going to lose weight quickly. The doctor disagreed with what I said and seemed like he was concerned at his rapid weight loss and encouraged him to maintain a healthy weight, yet he didn't say what that weight should be, or what he should do to maintain that weight. I chuckled in my mind because he is a rather rotund fellow himself. We'll keep monitoring his weight loss and now that he can keep food down (knock on wood), I think his weight loss won't be as rapid. I think he looks fine.
We asked him about when his next scan would be. He said after treatment #6, which is next month! :) We set up a tentative date for the scan, for my piece of mind. Scott asked the doctor questions about alternative treatments (oxygen therapy and ozone therapy) and if he knew if they would counteract negatively with the chemo. He didn't know the answer and said that there was no data to support it either way, which is exactly what the people who have tried these alternative treatments (and are now cancer free)😁 said he would say. Medical doctors only know their field of study (cancer and prescriptions) and so there is no data backed by the medical community to support these findings. Hopefully the two sides of medicine, prescriptions and natural remedies, can come together to find a cure for these maladies that we all suffer from. Until then, we'll have to keep paying out of pocket for "alternative" solutions that the insurance companies won't cover. So dumb, it's like we can't take charge of our own health!

Okay, enough of my soapbox! Back to chemo treatment #4. The nurses faces are all starting to be familiar now. Scott is still the youngest one there; there was one guy there maybe in his fifties, but everyone else is retirement age. The nurses are super cool. We had awesome conversations with them about pretty much everything under the sun. They are our age - we talked about kids, church, music that we liked in high school that is now considered "oldies." One nurse commented how the newer and younger nurses there didn't even know who certain 80s artist were! They'd never heard of them! How sad! I pulled out my 80s playlist and we enjoyed listening to a few great songs. Since the chemo room wasn't full, I got to sit on one of the comfy chemo chairs instead of the uncomfortable "visitor" chairs placed by each chemo chair. One nurse even jokingly offered me some leftover chemo since I was sitting there. Boy, they sure know how to take the edge off and help everyone feel comfortable. Scott finished his chemo around 3:00 and then we went to our daughter's ballroom competition for the rest of the night. He was so glad to finally be able to go to one since he hasn't been able to attend this whole season. He wore his mask for most of the time in order to not catch any germs. It was great to spend time with him, supporting our daughter and watching the beautiful dancing. We stayed until the very end and had a great time!

The rest of this weekend has been good; he hasn't been nauseous or sick (YAY!), just a little tired. I have been at the ballroom competition every day since Wednesday. It's the national competition; the last one of the season. Our daughter competed with her team, and individually. Our ten-year-old son also competed with his team and individually. His team won first place, again! He was so excited! :) It was great to be there, but it's so nice to be home and just chill with my family.

Tomorrow I get my colonoscopy (yuck!), but I'm glad I'm getting it done. And guess what, my insurance will pay for it! :) I also finally made an appointment with a therapist, as well as one for our daughter. She has been wanting to talk to someone for a while and has pushed me to get that done. I'm hoping we enjoy this experience and find a positive outlet to vent all of our feelings.

Well, those are the latest updates. I'm really going to try to write a little bit every day because this post has taken a LONG time to write and it's hard to remember everything. Until next time. :)