Chemo treatment #3

Chapter 12 - A Long, Cold Winter

(Oh my gosh! I haven't posted in a long time, and so many people have been asking for updates, so here's the latest news! Thanks for your concern and support. I will try to be better about posting regularly.)
February 22
"What a long cold winter
Will it ever be spring
Will the snow stop falling
Will the robins sing?"

Those are words to a musical adaptation to the classic, beloved story Little Women, called Jo. When I was in 7th grade, I played the part of the bratty, spoiled youngest sister, Amy, and I sang that song. It was sooooo out of my comfort zone! I was a painfully shy youth, and always mad; I don't know about what. I tried out for the play because it was a very small school and practically everyone who tried out got a part, all two of my friends were trying out also, and my mom's friend from college was directing the play, so I was a shoe-in, right? I couldn't fail. It was type casting, really; as I mentioned earlier I was a bratty, mad youth. (Not sure if I've changed much, except for the youth part.) 🤣 I cherish the experience of that musical. I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to be stretched and learn new things and grow. I remember vividly practicing hard for my solo singing part. A very loving, patient teacher, who I still remember with admiration today, helped me reach a high F; which was quite a stretch for my alto voice. Why am I mentioning this event that happened over thirty years ago? Because I'm sick of winter! While the thin blanket of snow that covers the landscape is beautiful to look at, I wish it would just be over already. This time of year, when there's only about a month left of winter (hopefully), I get down. The holidays are over, the kids are back in full swing at school. I enjoy walking and running outside; but it's too cold and icy to do that now. The kids bring home sick bugs from school; it's that time of year. I wish school would just be cancelled for January and February so everyone could keep their germs to themselves. My two youngest have missed a week of school! They finally went back today. Keeping them quarantined from Dad for a week was not fun, nor effective. It didn't work! How am I supposed to keep sick kids away from their immune-compromised Dad? I'm counting down the days until March 20th!

Scott went in Wednesday for chemo treatment #3. They gave him an additional drug this time, Avastin. The doctor didn't want to give it to him until his port scar completely healed, because it's a blood thinner and the blood doesn't clot. His treatment this time took 5 hours, instead of 4, to get the last drug in. For those wondering what drugs his chemo "cocktail" is, besides the Avastin, he is also receiving Oxaliplatin, Leucovorin and my favorite, Fluorouracil, more affectionately known by it's abbreviated version, 5-FU! Haha! For those interested in that scientific medical jargon, you can go to www.chemocare.com for more info on all of these drugs. Needless to say, this is the treatment where he's really starting to feel it! Yesterday he was puking and he hasn't eaten much. He's hardly slept at all. Is the puking because of the chemo or because our two youngest boys were sick with flu-like symptoms last week, or both? He goes in today to have his tube removed from his port and we'll ask the nurses then. (Update: they have no idea, surprise, surprise!)🙄 Other side effects of these medications are cold sensitivity in his fingertips and toes, aka neuropathy. That's another reason why we want this long, cold winter to be over with.

On the recommendation of a friend, I bought a book called My Parent Has Cancer and it Really Sucks! It was written for teens by a father and daughter team who were caregivers for their wife and mother. It's very appropriately titled and I'm enjoying reading it. I will give it to my kids to read when I'm finished. There's a phrase in there that describes perfectly my husband's state of fatigue after chemo. "Chemotherapy-related fatigue is like ten times tired." There are certain levels of tiredness. There's the tired you feel after playing a game of sports, the tired you feel if you have to get up early and you stayed up too late, or the sleep deprivation level of tired when your sleep is interrupted because of a newborn in the house, or staying up to care for a sick child. Each of those levels of "tiredness" are difficult, but NONE OF THEM compare to chemo tired. Scott described it as "I'm so tired, I can't sleep. I don't have energy to do anything. I lay there and can't even read, watch TV, look on my computer, etc. My legs feel like Jell-O." This is going to be a sucky weekend!

Saturday, February 23
My husband has pretty much been up all night puking or in pain. Nothing he takes helps him feel any better. He curled up in a fetal position last night and just had to lay there until it felt better. I went to bed with him laying on the floor like that. I wish there was something I could do to help. I went to go use the bathroom last night and he was on the bathroom floor unable to move. He needed my help to get to bed. He hadn't been there very long, thank goodness, but he said it took all of his strength to crawl into the bathroom from the front room (only about 20 feet) to puke in the toilet. Really?! I wonder if this is worth it! I hate seeing him in this much pain. 😢
Our daughter has a ballroom competition all day today. I am so excited to go see her compete. She loves it and is getting really good. I'm glad to be able to leave home and drown out the cancer drama for a while. My sister-in-law and niece meet me there and we have so much fun cheering her on! She and her partner took second place (in the state) in the swing! Way to go, girl! It's so fun to scream our guts out for her. She wears her medal with pride for the rest of the competition, except for when she's dancing and she tells me later that she dedicated her medal to her dad because he couldn't be there. (We really hope he's at the next one.) She also competes in the samba, and she and her partner make it to the semifinals; they've never gotten that far yet. They are hoping for the finals at the next competition in early March. I'm so proud of her hard work. She will go far with a positive attitude and strong work ethic. I love to see her excel at what she loves!

Future plans
Besides chemo treatments every two weeks and scans every 3 months to see if any cancer cells have shrunk, we are also planning to meet with a genetic counselor in March to determine if the cancer is genetic or environmental. Both Scott and I are being tested. Even if our insurance won't cover it for me, it's not too expensive and I would like to know if I have a cancer gene somewhere too. I also called a GI doc and asked them to order a colonoscopy for me too. If there are any issues with insurance, I will fight them to cover it. I don't want my kids to be orphans!

On a more positive note, we bought our plane tickets for our Hawaii trip in June. We are getting super excited to go on this trip! And, no chemo for a month!

Tender Mercies and Mood Lifters since the last post

• We both had a REALLY hard weekend and a sweet ward member who checks on us regularly came over and gave both Scott and I incredible blessings. I could feel the love he, and the Lord, have for our family through these blessings. The blessing he gave me was probably the most comforting one I've received in my entire life. This man and his wife have become like our adopted parents through this process and we are so grateful for all they have done for us. I know we can count on them for ANYTHING! Oh how we love them!❤
• The Monday following Scott's chemo, some ladies from the ward came over and helped me clean and sanitize my house. Many of them said they could come over again and help as needed. That was really reassuring to me that know that there are people there to help ease the burden so I don't have to do it all myself. True, my kids can help clean the house, and they do help out and do their assigned chores, but the deep cleaning to help kill the germs sometimes requires a little more elbow grease than three teenagers and two little boys can offer. 
• We got family pictures taken yesterday by a dear family member. I can't wait to post them! :) We haven't had family pictures taken in about five years. It was so nice of her to help us capture some sweet family memories.
• An amazing, long conversation with another dear family member who has gone through caring for a loved one with cancer; in her case it was her child. He's happily cancer free for the last 3 and 1/2 years. I haven't talked to her in years and it was wonderful to get her perspective as she went through this process. A good listening ear from someone who has been through almost EXACTLY what we're going through was such a comfort to me. I look forward to talking to her a lot as we go throughout this process. 
• We've started implementing small lifestyle changes that will help improve our overall health. We've stopped eating sugar (which is huge, we both have a sweet tooth), we're doing a lot of juicing and having lots of smoothies. I've tried some yummy healthy recipes that, surprisingly, almost everyone in the family actually likes.