An Emotional Weekend

Chapter 15 - Broken-Hearted

The day after Scott's 5th chemo treatment, I found out I was going to be released from my church calling of Young Women's President. What???!!! I didn't see that one coming! In our church, each faithful member has an unpaid service calling that they are asked to perform by the bishop (leader) of the local congregation (ward.) These callings rotate throughout one's life so not every person has the same calling their whole life. We believe we are all called by God Himself and He qualifies us for the calling. It is such a great opportunity to learn and grow and serve others. We don't ask for these callings, but are asked to put in our best effort and to rely on the Lord to help us fulfill our duty to the best of our ability. I have tried to do that in every one of my callings. Throughout my life, some of my callings have included teaching in the Relief Society (women's organization), helping with the Cub Scouts, organizing the young women's week long camping trip, helping in the Primary (children's organization) and my latest calling of Young Women's President, which by far has been my favorite! :) A president has two counselors and a secretary; all together they form a presidency. They work together to help the church program run smoothly (that's the idea at least.) Their combined efforts,while relying on the Lord's help, aid in this process. Usually, a presidency will serve for a period of about 2-3 years. Our presidency was called in August of 2017. That's only 19 months! Needless to say, I was baffled when I got the news. I thought I'd have at least another year. And I love my calling! I love the girls. They are my therapy. They keep me grounded. I asked my bishop if my release had anything to do with Scott's health and he reassured me it did not. He encouraged me to pray for comfort. Uh yah, I'm going to need to do a lot of that. I came home from my meeting with him and called my sister for some reassurance. She always knows exactly what to say. I feel better after talking to her, but I still didn't get much sleep that night and woke up cranky. I texted the rest of my presidency to let them know they will be released too. They are all surprised as well and we are sad to not be working with each other anymore. We have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know each other and working together to serve these fantastic girls! I have a meltdown that morning to Scott and feel guilty because he's the sick one and shouldn't have to be comforting me. I went to work that morning not in the greatest mood. I only work eight hours a week, two 4 hour shifts. That morning, I saw four women I know there. That's one per hour. Usually, I only see one or two a week. It was comforting to me to see them. One of the women waved to me with her hand in an ASL "I Love You" sign. 🤟 I thought that was kind of cool. As she's leaving she gives me a big hug and mentions how much she loves my blog. "I've read every word. Thank you for writing it." She mentioned how she was having a particularly hard day and she read my latest post and thought, Ok, I can do hard things. This is why I write this! It warms my heart to know that it is helpful to others, even if in just a small way. Thank you for comforting me in this small way, Heavenly Father. I need all the help I can get for Sunday.

Sunday comes and I am dreading church. It's already hard for me to go because Scott is not with me.
The name of the new young Women's president is announced and I am so relieved and excited. It's one of the ladies from our former presidency. The girls are in good hands. She knows what she's doing and will do an amazing job. And she already knows and loves the girls and they love her! I keep it together until I have to get up to leave to get ready for my lesson, the last lesson I will have with the girls. I haven't taught a lesson for a long time and I'm looking forward to this one. People stop me in the hall to give me hugs and then I lose it. This is why I left early, so this wouldn't happen. I guess it's inevitable. By the time I get to the room for the lesson, I'm okay though. We enjoy a good lesson, we take some pictures and I don't cry once. That's a miracle in and of itself. I give all the girls hugs before I leave. One of the girls tells me she's so sad, as she's smiling. "Oh yah, why are you smiling then?" I joke with her. She's just a happy girl and it's normal for her to smile a lot. I tell her I love and will miss her and she says the same. After church, another girl drops off a card. She stayed home sick that day but as soon as she heard the news she wrote me a sweet note and dropped it off at my house. She even sprayed it with Lysol so she wouldn't spread her germs to Scott. So sweet! I will miss these girls so much and am so blessed to have had the opportunity to work with them. They have touched my life for good and I will be eternally grateful. I hope I touched their lives for good too.

The next day, I read something in a book that really helped me feel better. Another tender mercy. 

       My life has taught me that nothing in this world stays the same. Nothing. Not me. Not even you. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can figure out how to live your life. Maybe even enjoy it. 
       Two things I know about change. First, sometimes it seems like we're just bobbing up and down in the ocean trying to keep our heads above water, when really we are being moved along by unseen currents, imperceptibly being dragged to some distant shore.
      Second, it pretty much always hurts. (That's the part that I really related to. That's so true.)
     I keep reminding myself of this, because while the world we live in is changing, so are our hearts and minds. Things that are important now won't be important later. And things that aren't important now will be super-important later. It's true for everyone. You start out thinking you're going to be some kind of person and that life is laid out and predictable as a video game. Then you realize that the rules have changed. There are characters in your game you didn't plan on. There are things you have to do that you never wanted to do. And sometimes the purpose of the game seems to change. I suppose it's like that for everyone. Everyone must come to the realization that the life they have and the life they thought they'd have aren't ever the same thing. And then the question is, what are they going to do about it?   (Michael Vey #6: Fall of Hades, Richard Paul Evans, 2016)

Even though I don't understand why I got released and didn't want it, it's part of a grander plan and I know I will treasure the memories created and the time spent with the fabulous young women! They will always be "my girls" and hold a special place in my heart. ❤