Chapter 6 - Time to Take Action
Thursday, January 17, 2019
Scott and I both return to work today. Scott is going to talk to human resources about all the options should the time come that he needs to stop working. He's such a planner and I'm grateful for it. I know we'll be okay financially. We have good life insurance and his company is willing to work with him to still give him a good severance package as well as long term disability. He also visits with a co-worker who lost her husband to this terrible disease, the same kind Scott has, a little less than two years ago. He wants to get as much information as he can and come up with an action plan to be prepared to fight this thing. She shares her story, offers advice and resources and gives him her contact information should I ever want to talk to her. Uhhh, definitely I want to talk to her. I put that on my to do list for next week.
I go to work and don't say a word about what's going on to anyone. I focus on work-related tasks to take my mind off of things, and I do pretty well holding it together, until the very end of my shift when I start an email to a favorite school teacher of my two oldest kids. I decide I'd better wait until I get home to finish it, so I can focus on my work. The next time I go in, I'm going to have to talk to my boss about everything. I know it will be fine and she'll be supportive, just not something I want ot do. I'm tired of bursting into tears every time I tell someone. I know that's normal, but I'm starting to feel bipolar. On my way home, I stop by a friend's house. I have something for her that I offered to deliver to her earlier, but secretly I'm just looking for an excuse to visit. She asks if I want to come in; she'll take a break from her work-at-home job. I'm glad she invites me in. I didn't want it to be a quick hi/bye visit and then go home to an empty house for an hour before I pick up my kids. While I give her a full update, I have breakdown #1,344, but who's counting! 🤣 She listens and offers me comfort, and many hugs. I'm grateful for the support I feel from her and so many others.
Later that afternoon, Scott and I go to meet with the GI doc again to review the final results of the colonoscopy. While we are waiting, I get a text from my friend who lost her husband to cancer 14 months earlier. I can tell it's taken all day for her to think of what to say. I read it and get a little teary-eyed, and show it to Scott. She says so many things that we need to hear, one thing in particular that sticks out to me. Find doctors that treat patients with cancer, not ones that just treat cancer. She also wants to talk face to face soon. I'm glad I heard from her. The doctor comes in to meet with us. He is sympathetic and understands the ups and downs of cancer. He tells us that it's normal to feel anger, check, denial, check and frustration, check. Okay, I feel less bipolar and more normal. He asks us how our visit with the oncologist went. Scott will get his port in tomorrow and hopefully he can get the liver biopsy done as well. We hope to start chemo next Wednesday if we can get those two things done tomorrow. He asked if we had any additional questions and I asked to see the lung CT scan. According to the report, it said there were "innumerable" lung lesions. I wanted evidence. If there are that many, how can he even still breathe? He brought me over to the computer and tried to pull it up, but the server was down, so it didn't work. He said we could text him next week and he could meet with us so we could see. I will take him up on that offer. I don't think Scott is interested. We don't have any more questions, so he offers to meet with us anytime we need to. We can call or text him anytime, "cause that's just the type of person I am." That's really nice of him. He's a caring doctor, who treats patients with cancer, not just cancer.
That night, I forego the young women's activity to go to the Cub Scout Pinewood Derby with my family. Our 10-year-old son has built a car with Scott and he is excited to race it down the track. This is the best pack meeting of the year! Only a handful of people know about our situation and it's still a little surreal to be there. I can tell Scott is uncomfortable, but he's there as a Scout leader and to support our son, because he doesn't shirk on his duties like that. He's very dependable. Before it starts, I visit with a friend, who asks for an update. "I'm starting a blog, so I don't have to tell the same story a thousand times." "Great idea," she agrees. During the pinewood derby, I wander and visit with some friends, who all express sympathy and offer to help. I ask our son's scout leader to go over and give Scott a hug. He is a huggy guy so he doesn't have a problem with this. He goes up behind Scott's chair and gives him a big bear hug. I can tell Scott is grateful and he gets a little teary-eyed. We go home feeling loved and prepare for another long day tomorrow.
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