Colonoscopy Day

Chapter 3 - Another Diagnosis

Monday, January 14, 2019

Scott's appointment is at 9:00 AM but we may need to wait a bit, since the hospital scheduled an "emergency" colonoscopy and there are a lot of other appointments that day. Scott called the doctor last night and confirmed everything with him. That was really nice of the doctor to take a call from us on his cell phone on a Sunday.

I can tell Scott is nervous. He's hungry, he hates needles, and being unconscious, etc. After we check in, he sits down and is more silent than usual. I look around the waiting room and see that he's the youngest man there. There is a young mother there with a newborn baby, but she leaves soon after we get there. It gives me comfort to see this precious new life straight from heaven. It reminds me that I need to go visit with my sis-in-law that just had a baby and hold him for a while. It's good therapy.

An older gentleman is in the waiting room trying to make small talk with Scott. He asks him if it's his first one, which we laughingly reply yes. He mentions that he's had several in order to serve a mission with his wife; they've served five, and shows us a copy of a book he has written about gardening. I can tell Scott is intentionally ignoring him. I humor the man for a few minutes and pretend to be interested in his book. I am relieved when his wife sits down next to him to distract from our conversation. I'm immediately jealous. I hope my husband and I can serve a mission together when we're your age. He might have cancer so he might not be around that long, I think. I wish we were here just for a standard checkup.

On our way to the hospital, we were joking around that hey, at least we don't have to pay for it now, since we met our medical deductible for the year with the ER visit. Scott wanted to get a colonoscopy this year, now that he's 45 and insurance will pay for it with a family history. His father had colon cancer 15 years ago, but he was in his 60's. He beat it. Maybe Scott can do the same thing. If that's even what he has.

While we're waiting, I get a text from a sis-in-law. Her sister works hospital administration for the GI docs and asks which doctor is doing the procedure. We let her know and she texts her sister to find out more info. She texts back saying her sister says he is a really good doc, good with follow up and communication. She also mentions that she can put in a request to rush the results. I tell her the results are already going to be rushed, but if her sister can request one too, that would be even better. I share this information with Scott and it helps calm his nerves. They finally call us back at 11:00. I can tell he's starving and miserable and just wants to get this over with.

They finally call him back, get him in a bed, ask him to get undressed from the waist down, get him hooked up to an IV, etc. The nurse is young, but nice. It's lunch time before they finally are ready for him in the back. We go back there to meet the doc and talk about a few things. The doc gives us a brief summary of the procedure and adds that when he's done, he wants Scott to go to CT and get an additional scan of his chest, so they get all the lungs. The ER scan found lesions on the lungs and he wants to see if there's more higher in the chest. I guess we seem stunned because he asks if they told us that on Friday. "Uh, no, they forgot to mention that." That would have been nice to know, I thought.

I give Scott a kiss goodbye and they wheel him off to get scoped. I go back to the room to wait. I have time to use the bathroom and answer a few texts before he's back. Wow, that was quick! The nurse shows us the pictures and tells us the doc will be in in a few minutes to go over the results.

The doctor comes in a few minutes later and goes over the pictures with us. Two massive polyps and a huge mass, along with some dead spots. He didn't remove the polyps because the mass is cancer, so they might have to remove some of the colon. He confirms the ER finding that the masses, in his colon and his liver, are cancer. He wants to send us to a cancer doc ASAP to confirm his decision. He says he'll call Scott later when the lung CT results are in. then he starts talking about chemo and radiation and surgery, just like the ER doc from the other night. The nurse stands off to the side with her head down, just like the ER nurse. Is this medical protocol? That the nurse stands like that and listens while the doctor delivers bad news? Is she there for moral support, a second witness, or to be there to protect the doctor if the patient, or spouse, wants to slug him? Or all three? I honestly can't believe what I'm hearing. How can my relatively healthy husband have cancer at his age? There were no signs. Why couldn't he get scoped earlier. Stupid insurance companies! Why can't people just request a medical test if they feel they need it? Why do they have to get pre-authorization from government bureaucrats? I'm so mad I want to punch something! Keep it together, I think. You've got to be strong for Scott. Heaven knows what he's thinking! Then the doctor starts talking about our kids and how we need to get them tested. It's just so much information coming at us so quickly. He is a good doctor though. He makes sure we don't have any more questions before he leaves. He confirms that he'll follow up with us when he gets the lung CT results.

Scott and I look at each other a bit dumbfounded. He mouths the word "chemo" to me in a joking manner. He's trying to keep a positive attitude. I'm grateful for that. I smile back and try to laugh along. I wish I could be so optimistic.

We head down to radiology; which is clear down at the other end of the hospital. Scott is so weak from not eating that he walks slow. That is a change. I'm usually the one practically running to keep up with him. When we get there, I have a weird deja vu feeling. Oh yah, we were just here last Friday! Scott says what I am thinking.

He walks into the room and and I start a text to my family. That's when I lose it! I'm crying as I type the words. Pure, raw emotion about everything that is happening right then. I chose to text my family -  my siblings and parents - because they are my safe place. I know they will listen and support me no matter what. It feels good to get it out. I wipe my face and put on a happy face before Scott gets out of the room. We're glad to get out of there. We go get some lunch at Panda Express and talk about what we're going to tell our kids. We decide that we won't tell them anything until we talk to the cancer doc. Hopefully that will be soon. The waiting is torture. Two docs say he has cancer. Will the cancer doc's opinion be any different? It's all just so surreal. This day has been so long already, and it's only halfway over.

We go home and talk to the kids; but just tell them that Daddy had his test today and we'll find out more info tomorrow. We go about life as usual. I send a group text to some church friends with an update, one of which is somewhat aware of the situation. She was in our church lesson on Sunday and has been texting me off and on all day to see how things are going. Then I call my sister to talk to her. She can always help me calm down. I'm on the phone for literally less than five minutes when these church friends that I just texted show up at my doorstep with a gift and some hugs. Wow! That was awesome! Talk about feeling the love! That meant so much to me that they came over in a time of need. And the timing was perfect! I found out later that they had actually been planning throughout the day when they would come over, but coming over right after the text makes for a better story. They talk to us briefly and we say Scott "might" have cancer, even though we're 90% sure he does. When they leave, I get dinner for the kids. He gets a phone call as I'm saying goodbye to the friends and he seems agitated and says he wants to go for a walk. I ask him to wait; I'd like to go with him. After I get the kids situated with dinner, we leave for a walk and we're not even out of the driveway when he says, "That was the GI doc on the phone. He got the CT results back. I DO have colon cancer and it has spread to the liver and the lungs. He wants to send us to a cancer doc to start treatment ASAP, probably tomorrow or Wednesday. He wants to meet with us again on Thursday when he has the final results from the colonoscopy, but based on his experience, he knows I have cancer." My head is spinning; I'm sure his is too. We walk hand in hand in silence for a while. We walk around the neighborhood and decide to stop by the house of a couple we know dealing with this same situation. She has stage 4 breast cancer and is young herself, only 5 years older than Scott. We knock, but there's no answer. I'll text her tomorrow, I think. Then we turn around and head home. We stop by our neighbors house across the street to let them know of the situation. They helped us with carpool today because I couldn't pick up the kids due to our extended stay at the hospital. We need to let them know that our schedule will be a bit crazy for the next little while and need to ask for their continued help. They are very understanding and say they will include us in their prayers. We are grateful.

Going home is hard. How can we continue to "play dumb" with the kids? We need to talk to that cancer doc first. There are still so many unanswered questions and we want to be able to have those answers for them. We hope we can get in tomorrow. I spend the evening answering a mountain of texts and updating family and ward friends about what we know so far. We finally go to bed after what seems like the longest day ever. We both cry and don't get much sleep that night. Tomorrow is going to be even longer.