44 things I've learned

It has been a really long time since I've posted. Most of the time, I just don't want to, because I'd rather watch a movie, or sleep, or go for a walk, or one of my kids needs something, or any number of other things. And it takes a long time to me to write these posts because once I get going, I can't stop, or the creative juices stop flowing, and I don't have big chunks of time to focus on my posts.

And nothing really has changed since my last post - at least not with Scott's treatment. He still does chemo every two weeks (although he's skipping this treatment cause we'll be in Hawaii!) 😁 He still has neuropathy, gets really tired, can't go out in public too often, and if he does, he should wear a mask. We are so looking forward to Hawaii when we can just sit on the beach all day and do absolutely nothing if we want to (and reapply sunscreen every hour also). Scott has a double whammy with that one because he already needs gobs of it since he's soooooo white and chemo treatments make you more sensitive to the sun. Whatever! We'll just slather, rest, repeat.

Ok, so in a previous post I mentioned that I might do a blog post on my birthday about the things I've learned throughout my life, but more recently as we've faced this obstacle. And those things would correspond with the number of years I've been alive, which today, June 11, is 44. So, here goes!
(These are not in order of importance, just my brain dump as I randomly think about things.)

1. There is nothing more important than family. Period. If there is a family member in your life that you wish you had a better relationship with, or any relationship with, for that matter, do what you need to do to build that relationship. You never know how much time you'll have with them.
2.  Good friends come in a close second. These are the kinds of friends who you can tell anything to and there will be no judgment on their part. These are the friends who will tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear, and you won't be offended and know they are saying it out of love. These are the friends who are there for you no matter what and who you can not talk to in forever and then when you do talk to them again, it's like nothing's changed and you just pick up where you left off. Every person deserves to have at least ONE of these friends in their life; multiple ones are good too. 
3. Don't sweat the small stuff. I have a friend who is going through cancer herself tell me this early on in this journey. The little things, like if your kids (or spouse) leave their socks on the floor, or if the dishes don't happen to get done one day, IT'S OKAY! We just need to enjoy each other and laugh and love each other. And sometimes the small things, like stopping to smell the roses, turn into the big, important things. If you can get out and take a brief walk because that's all you have the energy for that day and you happen to smell the flowers along the way, then celebrate that! :)
4. No one is perfect, INCLUDING YOU! (So stop trying to live up to an impossibility!) People say things, or do things, out of concern and love, and sometimes even ignorance, but we choose to be offended over those things or not. Just let people love you and life is pretty sweet. 
5. It's ok to ask for help. As human beings, we are naturally inclined to help others. It makes us feel good. So let people help you, and help others, and you'll feel good. It's a win win!
6. Stop trying to control everything! No one's happy when this happens. The controller is stressed out, anxious, mad, etc., when things don't go as expected and the things or people being controlled are frustrated because they feel like they're being treated as children and that the controller doesn't trust them to make their own decisions. We can only control ourselves. Everything else is out of our control, so accept it and work on how to improve yourself. 
7. You can't do everything yourself, and no one expects you to, so stop trying, and then feeling guilty about it when you can't. I hired a cleaning lady because I'd rather spend my free time doing things I enjoy, and cleaning is not one of them. While it's true that we should still balance our time between work and leisure, if you have the resources to allow someone to share their talents or skills with you, go for it. Whether it's hiring a cleaning lady, a personal trainer, a therapist or life coach, a chef (that one would be really nice), or whatever, do what helps you stay sane and care for yourself. You can't take care of others unless you take care of yourself first, and that's NOT selfish!
8. Notice the small miracles that happen in your life. My tender mercies post was me doing this. It's pretty dang awesome when we focus on the positive and stop wallowing in self-pity. Heavenly Father wants to bless us so much, and He does, and when we can notice that He does, it makes life that much sweeter. 
9. What makes you happy isn't necessarily what makes everyone else happy. Really? I thought everyone enjoys binge watching Netflix in their jammies, or going for a midnight food run, or going to a trampoline park, or going to a smash room to relieve frustration, or exercising for at least an hour a day, or reading, or doing family history work, or listening to music and doing a killer lip sync along with it, or yelling at their kids (actually I don't think anyone enjoys that one)! That's what makes this world so special is that everyone is different. When we discover what we really enjoy doing and use it to bless our lives and other's lives, than we can truly excel. As for me, I'm still discovering my passions and believe it will be a lifelong pursuit. (Hint: some of these things I enjoy doing, and some I don't. Whoever can guess which ones will be promoted to the GOOD friend list I mentioned in #2)🤔😊
10. Having quiet moments can be scary, but are worth it (I think). Since this whole thing started, I haven't wanted to be alone with my thoughts, 'cause they tend to run rampant and I'm already kind of a pessimist and don't want to focus on the negative even more. I try to stay busy so I'm not alone with my thoughts. My therapist says it's good for me to meditate and process these emotions I'm experiencing; it's a daily struggle. 
11. The doctor's advice about eating right and exercising and getting enough sleep is actually true! This one's pretty self-explanatory, although it would be nice if we could just take a magic pill every once in a while.
12. Don't ever ignore a "gut feeling", no pun intended. Some people call it a prompting from the Holy Ghost, some people call it intuition, some people call it an instinct or a "gut feeling." Whatever you call it, we all have the innate ability to sense when things just aren't quite right. If you have a feeling to call or text a friend, bring a meal or a treat to that lonely neighbor, smile at someone in the grocery store, bring flowers to someone, whatever, just do it. You are guaranteed to brighten someone's day, and it helps you forget about your problems for a while. 
13. You can't please everyone. Not everyone is going to like you, and that is their problem. Don't waste time trying to get them to. Just be yourself.
14. Everything's better with chocolate. No further explanation needed for this one. 
15. Life hardly ever goes how you think it will or want it to. Ain't that the truth? So what are you going to do about it? Put on your big girl (or boy) panties and create your own happiness.
16. God places people and circumstances in your life in order for you to learn from it. So stop resisting and figure out what it is you're supposed to.
17. Human beings are innately good. Accept other people's help graciously. You won't seem like such a jerk and you may gain some new friends in the process.
18. We choose to be offended.
19. We're in charge of our own attitude.
20. No one can make you feel a certain way.  Ok, I realize these last three are very similar; they all have to do with our thoughts. Our thoughts effect our emotions, which can then effect our actions. So by cleaning up our thoughts, we can clean up our actions. This is still a big struggle for me. I'm an emotional teenager, but I'm trying to learn coping skills for how to react when things don't go my way, which is like, all the time. 😧
21. Take time for yourself every day. Whatever you need to do to have some "me" time every day, do it. You'll feel so much better when you do.
22. Smart phones are the best invention ever. While the other members of my family may argue that Samsungs and Androids are better than iPhones, and I disagree, the main point of smart phones is pretty incredible. It's amazing we have this tool to help us in all aspects of life; it's just navigating through them and not being constantly glued to them that's a daily struggle. That's the love-hate relationship part of it, especially with teenagers! :(
23. No matter my mood, when I listen to Taylor Swift I always feel better. I don't know what it is, but it happens every time. She is the one who inspired this blog post also. Thanks, Tay Tay. 
24. Become your own best friend. I'm still working on this one ... A LOT! Get to know yourself and your likes and dislikes. And it's ok to talk to yourself too. :)
25. Don't ever compromise your standards, beliefs or values to impress someone else. If people can't love and respect you for you, they're not worth having as friends.
26. Keep learning your whole life. Ignorance is NOT bliss. I'm grateful my parents encouraged me to pursue a college education. Even though I don't currently have a career in my degree, or any at all, for that matter, it's nice to know that I could get one if needed. For now, I'm enjoying my part-time job and should the time come when I need to pursue other employment, it's comforting to know that I am qualified to do so. This quest for knowledge has also helped me navigate through this world of cancer. If we just relied on what the cancer docs said and didn't try to educate ourselves on further options, I don't think Scott would be doing as well as he is. 
27. Potty training and teaching your kids to drive are the most nerve racking things to do as a parent. 😖
28. Crying is cleansing. Don't apologize for crying and don't be embarrassed about it.
29. Don't underestimate the influence you have on other people. Every interaction you have with someone leaves an impact, large or small, so let your light shine and don't be afraid to be yourself. If you don't know yourself, do what you can to discover you.
30. Find your happy place. This is different for everyone. My happy places are the beach, watching my kids do what they love, attending the temple and GIRLS CAMP! (This is an annual camp that the young women in the church participate in and it's a wonderful, bonding, friendship-building/strengthening experience. I'm so sad I can't go this year!)😭
31. Money can be your friend, so treat it as such. Money is NOT a bad thing and shouldn't be treated like it is. True, we need to mindful of how much we have and live within a budget. Having a nest egg for a rainy day is very helpful, and I am grateful we have built up our savings so we can pay for these alternative treatments that insurance won't cover. If we have a mindset of scarcity with money, we're going to act out of fear every time we spend, and then we won't enjoy what we have. That's not a healthy way to live. 
32. Clean up after yourself. This one's pretty self-explanatory. It's just good manners and it saves you time if you put stuff back where it belongs, you won't waste time looking for it if it's not there.
33. Regular girls' night are a MUST! Thank you to all my girlfriends who have joined me in this. You know who are and it helped a TON! Love you. 
34. Work hard to achieve your goals and dreams and don't let ANYONE tell you you can't do it! If you don't know what those goals or dreams are, some soul-searching may be in order.
35. Try to improve yourself each day. There is no growth in comfort, so get out of your comfort zone and let others see your light shine.
36. Count your blessings. Some people use a gratitude journal to help them be mindful of their blessings. I did this once for a year and wrote something new every day. It was great to go back and read it when I was done and see how many blessings I really have. Maybe I need to start that up again.
37. Eat your vegetables. 5-7 servings is a good suggestion. Eating more than that wouldn't hurt either.
38. Take your vitamins. Some are better than others, so do your research and take the good ones.
39. Love everyone for who they are. Every human being just wants to be loved. Let's embrace others' differences and make this world a better place. The golden rule really does make sense.
40. Everyone has something to offer the world. Go out and discover your purpose, and don't be afraid to share it with others. That's when the real fun and growth begins.
41. Only keep what you need. We are too attached to our things as humans and we need to de-clutter our lives. If we have things that we don't need, the garbage can be your friend. Don't feel obligated to keep something if someone gives it to you. If you can't use it, get rid of it. It's so cleansing when you do this.
42. Our life circumstances are out of our control; we are only in control of ourselves. 
43. Don't EVER EVER give up!

Well, that's it in a nutshell. Hope you enjoyed. T-Minus 48 hours until we leave for Hawaii! 😁🏝